When we had our house built, our contractor offered us a deal on appliances. We could get what ever we wanted as long as it was General Electric aka GE. Since it sounded like a good deal, we opted for the program. After all, GE was major player in the appliance business. So, we ordered a stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer and microwave. And all had a 5 year warranty. Great!!!

Well, 5 years and 30 days, the oven quit. A temperature sensor malfunctioned. Drat!! In spite of the time on the warranty, I called the factory. After all, 30 days was not a deciding factor. The factory agreed and sent me out the part that I needed. I, in turn, agreed to install it my self. Total savings, $200.

Then about a year after that, the oven element gave out. Rats! I stepped up to the counter and shelled out $50 for a new heating element. Such is life.

Shortly after that, the wiring in my gas dryer burned up for no apparent reason. Grrrrr. I called the factory but they said “Too bad.”  I rewired my dryer and it worked just fine. I sent a notice to the Feds about this problem but never got a response.

I am starting to hate GE.

Then the ice maker in the frig quit working. I figured out that it didn’t like the cold. So, periodically, when it would quit working, I would remove it and let it warm up. It would work just fine for about 6 months.

Then, we lost the large burner on the stove. Oh well, such is life.

I am now starting to develop a major disliking of GE.

Then, our microwave quit working.  5 years on parts.  Rats!  But wait.  There is 10 years on the magnetron.  A quick test showed that the magnetron was getting power so it must be the magnetron.  After several calls to GE, we came to a compromise.  They would test the magnetron for $25.  And, if it was bad, they would replace it for free.  Great!

I took the microwave to the local GE place and they tested it.  The magnetron was defective so they replaced it for free.  Great!  It now works just fine.

The dryer quit working and we replaced it.  The frig, with its ice maker started acting up so we replace that.  The washer developed a leak and was replaced.  The burners on the stove started acting up and so we replace it.  In short, the only GE appliance that is left is the microwave and its days are numbered.

We have replaced all but our microwave.  We will not buy GE again.  It goes down in the “Do not buy”  book along with Sears.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.

It started out as a normal spring day at the Saginaw state office building. As usual, the building manager was in his office drinking coffee and playing Cribbage with an Appellate Court judge. Suddenly, the skilled trades supervisor burst in and announced that he had just received a phone call saying that there was a bomb in the building set to go off at noon.

The building manager looked at the clock and noted that it was just 9 AM. Figuring that they wouldn’t have to evacuate the building until 11:30, he declared an all out search for the bomb.

The maintenance crew was assembled and given instructions to look for any suspicious packages and to be discrete about it. After all, they didn’t want to alarm the office staff. And so, the search began.

About 20 minutes into the search, one of the building crew noticed that there was a security guard wandering the halls of the building. Even though he wore the same uniform as the building security guards, they have never seen this person before so he instantly became a suspect. They quickly detained him and began the interrogation.

The security guard claimed that he had just stopped in for a tax form when he was spotted by the astute staff. But his story still sounded fishy. After acquiring his name, rank and serial number, the building manager called the security company. The security company verified his identity and that he worked in another office building near by. And so, he was released.

Shortly after the release of the security guard, another suspicious person was spotted. But this time, the suspicious person had actually been seen on America’s most wanted just the night before. A quick call was placed to the Saginaw PD to report the sighting. The Saginaw PD informed them that the man had been arrested the night before and was now out on bail. What was he doing in the building? Filling out welfare forms with his wife and children. And so the search continued.

Now, the maintenance crew found it difficult to discretely conduct a search of the building. The office staff began to notice the peculiar behavior of the crew and started asking questions. Under the promise of not telling anyone, the crew told them what they were doing. And, of course, the news spread rapidly.

The Capitan of the State Police post located in the building was in the break room drinking a cup of coffee when he over heard the conversation about a bomb in the building. Shaken, he headed for the building managers office. When the building manager confirmed the roomer, the Capitan reached over and pull the fire alarm. “This building is now evacuated” he announced.

In keeping with proper protocol, the Capitan immediately notified Lansing of the situation. The Lansing folks, however, were unsure of what to do next. They checked their watches and noted that it was now 11 AM. Lacking a plan, they called for the state helicopter, grabbed a camera and head out the door for a quick flight to Saginaw.

Given the short time before the bomb was scheduled to go off, it was unclear as to their intent. Were they going to take aerial pictures of the explosion?

By now, the bomb squad had arrived and had begun a search of the building. After a two hour search, they found nothing.

It was 1PM and the office staff was returning from lunch. The bomb squad gave the green light and everyone went back inside. The State Police Capitan began filling out endless reports but not until he had given the building manager a thorough tongue lashing. And the building manager and the Appellate Court judge returned to playing cribbage.

Last year, the family decided to have a family reunion, something that we haven’t had in probably 25 years. My sister-in-law notified me of the day, time and place. I hadn’t received an invitation but assumed that it was an over site and not a snub.

When we got to Lumber Jack Park, the traditional place for family reunions, we got our food out of the car and proceed to the picnic shelter that was designated for our reunion. Finding an empty spot at the picnic tables, we put on a table cloth and put out our place settings.

While there were about 70 people there, there were only a couple of people that we recognized, so we approached them and struck up conversation. And there were a few people that came over to us and introduced themselves to us. After about a half hour, we were told that it was time to eat.

After eating, everyone was instructed to stand up, one at a time, and introduce themselves and say how they were related. Every thing was fine until it was my turn. When I stood up and announced who I was, there was a gasp followed by complete silence. And seeing that all eyes were suddenly fixed on me, I felt a little uncomfortable. Finally, one of my relatives came up to me and said, “We thought you were dead!” I reassured them that I was quite alive, though I was perplexed at the comment. Later, my cousin explained to me the details of my death.

It seems that a number of years ago, some of my cousins, whom I haven’t seen since I was 12, asked my aunt “what ever happened to Ned?” Thinking that they were referring to my uncle Ned, she replied that he drowned in the Pacific. (Uncle Ned, whom I never knew and whom I was named after, drowned at sea while serving aboard the USS Franklin in the South Pacific.) And even thought we were not close, my cousins were quite shocked at that information. Soon, the word was spread amongst that families that Ned had drowned.

I guess this explains why I didn’t get an invitation to the reunion.

My most memorable blood pressure check occurred several years ago in the doctors office. I had just been ushered into the examination room when the nurse told me to have a seat. I had never seen this nurse before and concluded that she must be new.

Looking around, I noted a small plastic chair whose left side was against the wall, so, I sat down. The nurse, with cuff in hand, approached me from my right. I thought this to be odd, but I raised my right arm thinking that she was going to check my blood pressure on my right arm for some reason. But, as I am raising my right arm, she reaches across me to grab my left arm instead.

Seeing that she is going to take my blood pressure on me left arm, I raised my left arm and rolled it so the my palm is facing upward. But, as I raised my left arm, she stepped in front of me.

My arm raising and her stepping resulted in my left hand being placed firmly in her crotch. I thought certainly that she would remedy this situation but she didn’t. Instead, she pushed firmly up from beneath my elbow, immobilizing my left arm and securing my left hand in her crotch.

I was trying to relax but couldn’t. Instead, I was breaking out into a sweat. She was warm and moist and left very little to the imagination. She seemed unfazed by the situation. Needless to say, my blood pressure was quite high that day.

I never saw that nurse again and given the high turnover rate of that office, I wasn’t surprised. But, I still had to wonder. Why didn’t she step back and reposition herself so that my left hand was not in her crotch? Was she too embarrassed to do so? She didn’t seem so. Was she so focused on her work that she didn’t notice? I don’t know. I do know that I have had my blood pressure taken many times but that was the only time that I actually remember.

One of the members of the church that I presently attend announced to the minister that he (the member) will be here (the church) long after the minister is gone.  And I am sorry to say that I know, deep down in my heart, that he is right.  He will be here long after the minister is gone.  He will be here long after every one else is gone.  Why?  Because the bad people never leave.

Bad people are just like the moles in your yard.  They have found a home and refuse to leave.  And try as hard as you like, you can not get rid of them.  They are there, making a mess out of everything.  And, what’s more, they don’t realize that they are making a mess.  Instead, they think that they are doing a good thing.

Over the years, I have seen a fair number of people leave the church that I presently attend.  And of all the people that have left the church, not one of them has been a bad person.  Rather, all of the people that have left have been good people.

And interestingly enough, a lot of people have left the church shortly after they have finished their term on the church council.  Apparently, when the good people have to interact with the bad people, they realize the hopelessness of this church and give up on it.  And so too with the end of this present terms in office.  I know that there are good people who will leave come June, myself included.

Well, last night was council night and I resigned as sound flunky.  There wasn’t too much reaction to my resignation.  I don’t know if they were indifferent or surprised.  I suspect that they were indifferent.  Oh well, not my problem any more.

I don’t know how the rest of the sound teams will react.  I know that one couple have been talking about leaving sound for several years.  I don’t know if this will be the deciding factor for them or not.  I hope that they don’t leave but who knows.  The other sound team is kind of uncertain also.  Time will tell.  I guess if the sound system doesn’t work, people can just sit and admire the quarter sawn oak.  Well, regardless, one more council meeting and I will be free.

I kind of suspect that another couple is getting ready to leave the church.  They used to be quite regular but now, they are only spotty.  He will be getting off of council next month too and she just resigned from her position in the church.  I wonder if they are headed to the same place that we are headed.  After all, it is just down the road from them.

Last night, we were planning on having leftovers for supper. But upon further investigation, we discovered that there really wasn’t enough leftovers for a meal. So, I made a quick decision to head to Meijer’s (regional grocery chain)

Meijer’s has a nice little deli section. They don’t carry a lot but they do have chicken in various shapes and sizes. One of my favorites is their rotisserie chicken. They cook these chickens right their in their own rotisserie oven, package them in a hard plastic container and keep them warm just for that supper time crowd like me. $5.00.

Over in the cooler case, I grab a container of baked beans. Chicken and baked beans, you can’t go wrong with that combination. Almost a one stop picnic.

As I am using the auto checkout machine, I notice the price on the baked beans. $7.00!! Pound for pound, the baked beans cost more than the chicken. I feel robbed. I suppose this is where Meijer’s make their money. The chicken is just the draw. The real money is in the baked beans and potato salad.

The other day, I had a doctors appointment for a physical. The doctor stuck his finger up my butt. No real surprise there. He got out a brand new tube of KY for the event. It didn’t take him very long. He is quite good at what he does. They always wonder why my blood pressure is so high at the doctors office.

I used to have a female PA stick her finger up my butt. It seems like it took her forever to do her thing. I bet she would have her finger up there for a good 10 seconds. I guess she wanted to be thorough. The whole time that she is doing this, she would repeat “very nice” over and over again. I was never sure if she was commenting on my prostate or my butt.

Before I had the female PA, I had a female doctor. One time when she was doing her finger thing, my pager went off. It was very loud. It startled her. I thought that she was going to go in up to her elbow.

The computer center at Calvin College was in a hole in the wall location in the main administration building. Though it was located on the ground floor, there were no outside windows in the place. And the offices of the computer staff were scattered in locations that also lacked outside windows. The administration did not want to spend a lot of money on the computer center because they thought that all this computing stuff was just a passing fad.

As time and technology moved on, the old big iron computer gave way to a much smaller more efficient system. And since the new system only occupied a tenth the space of the old system, the decision was made to down size the computer room and use it for office space for the computer staff.

Finally, the staff had a place that they could call their own. Gone were the days of working out of converted closets and store rooms. They now had respectable digs with respectable office furniture. But, they still were unhappy. Why? Because, they didn’t have any outside windows. And so, the cry went up to the administration to add windows to their office area.

I cautioned them that getting windows was not a good idea. After all, it was the lack of windows that made their office area undesirable to the other administrative functions in the building. In short, because there were no windows in their area, no body else wanted the space. But, they did not heed my admonition and continued to cry to the administration for windows.

As the old saying goes, “Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.” And so it came to pass.

Windows, glorious windows were installed. Of course, there were the usual fights over who got an office next to a window but seniority prevailed and soon the staff was settled.

The real world could now be observed from the comfort of their desk chairs. They could now see sunshine, rain and blowing snow. Life was good. They had arrived.

But alas, it wasn’t too long before others noted that the once rejected hole in the wall had been transformed into premium office space. Soon, the question was raised as to why this premium office space was being used by the computer support staff. After all, the computer staff did not interact with the public. And because they didn’t interact with the public, they could be located anywhere on the campus. Soon, the ways of men prevailed and the computer center and staff were relocated to another building.

Their new digs were in the basement of the library, an area that nobody, absolutely nobody wanted. And, at 20 feet below grade, there was no chance of having a window. And while they no longer had windows, at least they knew that this would be their home for many many years.

Yesterday, on the way home from work, traffic on the expressway ramp came to a sudden hault. Why? Because there were trash bags full of leaves on the ramp.

It seems that some Einstein loaded the bags of leaves onto his snow mobile trailer to haul them to where ever. And, being in a big hurry, he decide to use the expressway.

Well, guess what, when he went from city speeds to highway speeds, the bags of leaves blew right off of that sideless trailer and landed in the road. Traffic had to come to a complete stop while this clown gathered his leaves. Then, do you know what he did? He threw the bags back onto the trailer. I guess he figured that it was just a fluke that they fell off of the trailer in the first place.

Well, at least no one got hurt but what about next time? Since he seems to lack common sense, he is going to do something stupid again and who knows what will happen. Maybe the next time he will hurt someone.

Our iron now has a warning lable that advises the users against ironing their clothes while they are being worn. Sad to say, I know some one who has attempted this. Likewise, our lawn mower has a safety switch which shuts off the engine if you let go of the handle. And again, I know some one who thought that their hand was faster than the blade.

I think that we do society, as a whole, a great disservice when we post warning lables and install safety switches for things that should be just plain common sense. We should just let all the stupid people kill/injure themselve. But instead, we protect them so that they can reproduce more stupid people.