This morning, about 5:30, I was downstairs when I heard a strange rumbling  sound. I assumed that the screen door was ajar and blowing in the wind. So, I opened the front door and closed the screen door.

When I went back upstairs, Kathy asked me what I did. She said that the toilet was rattling. I told her that she needed more fiber in her diet. She said no, the whole house was rattling. I said she definitely need more fiber in her diet.

Then, when the 6 am news came on, they announced that we had experienced an earthquake. 5.4 on the Rickter scale.  Impressive!

We had an earthquake about 20 years ago.  It rattled the dishes.

Fortunately, we don’t have many earthquakes.  But, we get the same effect from low flying jets.

Calvin has decided to arm its security staff. This is a major policy shift for the campus. In the past, they relied only on their two way radios. The use of force was out of the question. Now, it is shoot if you have to.

When I first attended Calvin, the security staff didn’t even have uniforms. They did not want to portray that “cop” image so every one dressed in street clothes.

But, times have changed. With recent shootings at colleges and recent death threats, colleges are feeling uneasy. So, they feel that arming the staff is the solution.

Unfortunately, unless they have an armed guard on every floor of every building, I doubt that the security staff will be able to do much to prevent a mass shooting.

Last week, we had a tornado drill which was a first for me. We were told that at 11:15, we were to go to the lower parking ramp under our building. (The lower parking ramp is the designated shelter area.)

So, at 11:15 we all headed for the lower parking ramp. And, by 11:45, we were all down there.

The reason why it took so long for everyone to get to the lower parking ramp is that there is only one stairway to that level. While all the other floors have two stairway, there is only one to the lower parking level.

I don’t think that management was impressed with the results. But, since they have never had a tornado drill before, they couldn’t know what to expect.

Fortunately, my office is on the first floor so I can easily make it into the ramp in a timely manner.

The nice weather recently brought some Cardinals to our bird feeder. Two males and a female. And, while the female was trying her best to get something to eat, the two males were trying their best to, well, you know.

Every time she would perch, the two male would also perch with her. This, in turn, caused her to fly to another location. And, of course, the two males followed. This went on for over a half hour but finally the males moved on and she got to eat.

Spring is in the air.

The other day, I was reading an article about tandem toilets. It seems that some company came up with the idea that there is a market for a tandem toilet; a two seater, if you would.

Unlike a tandem bicycle where the riders are front to back, these tandem toilets are joined side-by-side in such a way that the occupant of one toilet faces the occupant of the other toilet, kind of like a love seat. Presumably, this facilitates better bathroom conversation.

I suspect that the market for this product is women. I can’t see too many heterosexual guys wanting to use the toilet together. But women, on the other hand, seem to feel the need for such companionship.

The product doesn’t strike me as being very practical. Since you have to have access to both side of the toilet, you can’t just back it up to the wall like most toilets. Instead, this would have to be in the center of the room.

So, unless you have a lot of keggers and need to keep the bathroom line moving, the tandem toilet is not for you.

I was in the bank this morning when an old guy came in wearing pajama bottoms. He hadn’t shaved in several days so he looked like a walk-away from a nursing home.

He hadn’t been in the bank more than 5 seconds when he started talking to me like we were old friends. That is when I really started to suspect that he was from a near by nursing home.

Then a terrible thought entered my mind. Is he wear underwear? I shuttered and tried to get the thought from my mind but it wouldn’t go away. Fortunately, the teller summoned me and I left Mr Pajama Bottoms in the line.

Wearing pajama bottoms might be popular for the teens and the twenty somethings but those kind of fashions look really bad once you hit 40.

“Look, it’s a robot! This exclamation was made by some of my co-workers who were looking out the window. What were they watch? Why, the bomb squad.

It seems that there was suspicious package sitting outside of the building across the street. So, the bomb squad was called in. They, of course, were fully covered with body armor and standing behind a heavily fortified truck as the little robot made its was to the package.

Unfortunately, my co-workers were standing behind a pane of glass which offered them only a false sense of security. If it had been a bomb and if it had detonated, there was a good possibility it would have taken out the glass and my co-workers.

Ignorance is bliss.

I read an article about a man who has been claiming that he was a member of the 1980 Oakland Raiders. He has even signed autographs and has been the guest speaker at several fund raising dinners.

But after 20 years, he admitted that he was not a part of the 1980 winning team. This surprised even his wife.

People just don’t check these things out.

Kathy and I like hot spicy food so it is not uncommon for us to cook up a Mexican dish. And, sometimes, these recipes call for fresh hot chilies which need to be de-veined and de-seeded.

If you have ever worked with fresh hot chilies, you know that the juice will burn your skill, particularly under the fingernails. So, it is always best to wear rubber gloves. Also, there is a chance that the juice might get in your eyes, so, it is a good idea to wear safety glasses.

Now, it just so happened that Kathy was working with fresh chilies when an old conservative Dutchman from church stopped by to drop off some church material.

When Kathy answered the door wearing gloves and safety glasses, the old Dutchman asked if she was cleaning the oven. Kathy replied no, she was fixing supper. With that, the old Dutchman got a horrified look on his face.

Seizing the moment, Kathy quickly asked if he would like to stay for dinner. After stuttering and stammering for a few moments, the old Dutchman said no, he was having tuna casserole supper.

To this day, I am sure that the old Dutchman is wondering what it was that Kathy was cooking.

We have a little dry marker board which hangs on the wall next to the fridge. We use it for our grocery list. The idea is that it you see that we are getting low on something, you write it on the marker board. That way, when I go to the store, I will know what to buy.

Well, this weekend, I noticed that Kathy had written down a rubber mallet. Curious, I asked her what she planned to do with the rubber mallet. She said that sometimes she needs to beat meat such as chicken for Kiev. No problem, I’ll check out Meijers (regional grocery chain).

When I got to Meijers, I headed for the kitchen section. I didn’t find any rubber mallets, but I did locate a rolling pin and wondered it would fit the need. After all, we already owned a rolling pin so maybe I didn’t need to buy a rubber mallet. But, knowing it is best not to make these decisions on my own, I proceed to the tools section of the store.

In the tools section of the store, I found regular hammers, framing hammers, and some little teenie tiny hammers with flowers all over them. I conclude that they must be used by Santa’s elves. But, no rubber mallets.

Well, I decided that if I was going to get a rubber mallet, I would have to go to the local automotive store.

I always like going to the automotive store. The people that work there have me pegged as being very strange, and they would be correct! So, I got a really funny look from them when I asked for a rubber mallet.

When they asked me if I wanted the regular rubber mallet or the deluxe rubber mallet, I didn’t know. So I asked if the deluxe rubber mallet came with a case. They said no and immediately went on “tilt”.

Then, I asked what the difference was between the regular rubber mallet and the deluxe. They, of course, couldn’t tell me so I asked to see both of them. A few moment later, they emerged from the stock room with two rubber mallets.

After examining both of the mallets, I concluded that the deluxe mallet was a better product.

As they were completing the sale, I asked if it was dishwasher safe. Again, the “tilt” light came on as they all stared at me.

Finally, one of them picked up the mallet and examined it. He said that he didn’t think that it would be a good idea to stick it in the dishwasher as it had a wood handle. I noted that it was a good point and stated that is why we don’t put our knives in there.

Then, one of them had to take the bait and ask me if I washed all of my tools in the dishwasher after working on my car. I told him that the rubber mallet was for cooking and not working on the car.

When they asked if I was going to use the mallet to tenderize meat, I calmly replied no, sometime our food isn’t always dead so you have to hit it a few time with the hammer before you can cook it.

The store was extremely quiet when I left.