The Ironing Board.

I recently had a business trip which required me to spend the night. And even though I had a confirmed room reservation, I always like to check in early just to be sure that there are no surprises.

After I had completed all of the paper work, I was told that my room wasn’t ready yet. I seems that they had to replace the ironing board. What ever. After a half hour wait, the desk clerk announced that my room was ready so I proceeded to the elevator.

When I got off of the elevator, I was greeted by a hotel staffer with an ironing board in her hand. She asked me if I was the occupant of room 256 and I said that I was. She then proceeded to follow me down the hall with the ironing board in hand.

When we entered the room, she asked me if I wanted her to unwrap the ironing board.  I told her that I didn’t care.  Then she asked if I wanted to use the ironing board right away or if she should put it away. I thanked her for asking and told her that she could put it away.

Maybe she thought that I needed to iron my clothes. Granted, I had been on the road for several hours but I didn’t think that I looked that bad.

Maybe I’ll invite my co-workers up to my room and we can have an ironing board warming party.

Ellen Degenerate.

Well, Ellen Degenerate got married this last weekend. I think that is so special. I hoped that Ellen had enough on the ball to have a prenuptial agreement set up. Other wise, if her wife decides to change sides, like Anne did, she will loose half of everything that she has. And given the general instability of celebrity marriages in the first place, I don’t see this one lasting very long. But who knows.

The Kwame Kilpatrick Circus.

Well, Kwame Kilpatrick, Detroits most famous Irshman, is back in the news yet again. It seems that the Democratic governor of the State of Michigan, has the power to remove any elected city official from office even if the official has not been convicted. So, on Sept 3, the governor is going to have a hearing to determine if he should be removed from office.

Unfortunately, Kwame said that he is not going to attend the hearing unless he has been granted a pardon. Well, the governor can not pardon him until he has been convicted of something. And whats more, while the governor can remove him from office, she can not make him attend the hearing.

Now, given the fact that the governor is a Democrat and that the citizens of the city of Detroit love their Democratic mayor, the hearing should be a three ring circus. Besides the media with their camera trucks, I am sure that there will be demonstrators both pro and con.

Of course, the city police are not going to be there unless there is a problem. However, the state police will have there mobile command post near by in case there are issues. It should be interesting.

I wonder if there will be carnival vendors selling elephant ears and foot long hot dogs?

The Dream Cruise.

Well, today is the day of the Dream Cruise. For those of you who are not familiar with the Dream Cruise, it is a yearly event where thousands of people bring their hot rods, race cars and classic cars to Detroit to cruise up and down Woodward Avenue.

Why would they do this you ask? Well, back in the 50s and 60s Woodward avenue was the place for young people to hang out on Friday and Saturday nights. They would drive up and down the avenue looking for members of the opposite sex as well as showing off their cool hot cars.

Well, as a rite of passage, the baby boomers, as well as others, come back to Woodward Avenue once a year to show off their classic cars and hot rods by doing the Dream Cruise. Unfortunately, given the price of gasoline, there are a lot of cars for sale.

The Fine Arts Festival

When I was at Calvin, every year in the spring the Fine Art Guild (FAG) would put on a fine arts festival. Since this was an outdoors event, they would put up a large tent on the lawn to be used in the event of rain.

Now, the grounds keeper didn’t mind that they put up the tent. But, he was concerned that they might drive a tent stake into the underground sprinkler water main. So, every year, the grounds keeper would ask to be notified of this event so that he could help them avoid the under ground sprinkler water main. And every year, they would fail to notify the grounds keeper of this event.

Now, when the grounds keeper would see the tent on the grass, he would stop and inspect just to make sure that they didn’t hit the water line. Plus, he would shut off the sprinkler for that section of the lawn.

Well, one year, the grounds keeper was away on vacation when the Fine Arts Festival took place. So, not only did stakes get driven into the ground with out being inspected, no one shut off the sprinklers for that section of the lawn.

Now, normally that fact that the sprinklers were still on wouldn’t matter that much since they watered a 5am. But, in keeping with tradition, the FAG members had a big sleep over in the tent. And, there just happened to be a sprinkler head in the tent with them.

Now, the sprinklers at Calvin were not the puny variety that most homes have. They were industrial and capable of handling a 50 foot radius. So, when 5am came around, it was time to water the lawn and anything on it.

Now, there were no lights in the tent so the occupants could not see what was happening. And all that they could hear was the chit chit chit of the sprinkler and the roar of the water as it hit the inside of the tent.

There were screams of horror as the 50 degree water hit first one then another. Panic prevailed as the students tried to avoid the water and exit the tent. Not only did they have to get out of the tent, they had to wait, cold and wet, for the water to stop so they could go back inside and get their stuff.

The sun came up to dozens of sleeping bags draped over the outside of the tent, dripping in the morning light. The FAG members were all gone, presumable back to their rooms for a hot shower and some dry clothes.

For the next few years, the grounds keeper was notified well in advance of the Fine Arts Festival. Imagine that.

Full Gospel Church.

I saw a sign on a church the other day. It stated that they were a full gospel church.

Now, I know what they meant but it got me to thinking about it. Is that a statement of beliefs or a warning or both?

Whenever I see signs like that I always think of milk. While I prefer whole gospel churches, I have been to churches that could easily qualify as a lite gospel church or even a skimmed gospel church but I have never seen a sign advertising that fact. Those kind of churches never really fill you up and you never feel bloated afterwards.

Giving Up!

Some friends of ours are getting ready to walk away from their mortgage. About 5 years ago, he lost his high paying sales job and at age 55, had been unable to find comparable employment.

They had been fighting with their mortgage company for several years now and couldn’t take it any more. At one time, they had worked out a payment plan with the mortgage company but the company changed its mind and demanded payments that they couldn’t afford. So, they just gave up.

They are going to sell off the possessions that they don’t need and pack up what they do need. Then, they are going to walk away from the house and let the mortgage company have it.

I doubt that the mortgage company will be able to get their money out of the place. The housing market is really down in Michigan. I suspect that this is one of those situations where the accountants prevailed over common sense. Sad.

New Drug.

Researchers have discovered a new drug in South America. People who are given the drug seem normal in all aspects except that they do what ever they are told to do.

Now, the sinister side of this drug is that people could be told to withdraw all of their money from the bank or even to rob the bank and they would do it. They literally have no power to resist.

But on the positive side of things, it would make for one dandy truth serum. It might even make it easier to hunt down terrorists.

I am sure that the ACLU will fight against such a drug claiming that it interferes with a persons right to lie.

Kwame Kilpatric Part Deux.

Kwame Kilpatric, Detroits most famous Irishmen, is in the news again.  He violated the terms of his bond release by going to Canada for a visit.  Because of this action, he was thrown in jail for a night and forced to wear an electronic tether.  In all fairness to Kwame, I doubt that he knew that Canada was a country.

He has now been charged with 10 felonies.  In Michigan, the governor has the right to remove any elected official from office if they are convicted of a felony.

The ten felony charges have been filed by the Republican Attorney General.  Kwame and the governor are Democrats.  If Kwame is convicted, the governor will be pressured to remove him from office.

If Kwame continues as he has been, he will end up being the mayor of Washington DC.