nedandkathyswift.com

A few years ago, the company, that my wife works for, sponsored a shopping trip to Chicago. Since this was just a one day bus trip, everyone was responsible for there own meals.

Now, one of Kathy’s co-workers, who was on the trip with us, was a young woman whos’ growth was stunted at a very early age so she was shorter than the rest of us. And even though she was short, she was able to keep up with the rest of us.

But, her size became apparent to us when we sat down to eat in a restaurant. While the waitress brought the rest of us regular place mats, she brought the woman a kiddy place mat and a box of crayons.

We all sat there in a silence of embarrassment until to woman stated that she was used to such mistakes. Unfortunately, the waitress didn’t notice the error until the woman ordered a beer. After checking the womans ID, the waitress realized the awkwardness of the situation and offered to bring a regular place mat. The woman passed.

The waitress didn’t get much of a tip from us.

A 24 year old high school teacher recently kidnapped her 15 year old student. The two of them were found in a motel in W. Virginia after his parents reported him missing.

Where were these teachers when I was in high school?

The students at NYU recently held a protest demonstration in the nude. Most of the passerby s didn’t notice what the protest was about.

I think they would have had a better turn out if they had held the protest in April.

The local grocery store, where I shop, was have a sale last week on canned spinach. Buy one, get one free.

Some how, even a buy one get one free sale couldn’t motivate me to buy canned spinach. And while I like fresh spinach, raw or cooked, canned spinach is too reminiscent of my grade school cafeterias where the slimy green stuff was plopped on to my tray.

The store didn’t have a large display of cans on the end of the isle like they usually do for products that are on sale. Nor did they have a large number of cans on the shelves.

I guess they weren’t anticipating a run on canned spinach even if it was on sale.

The Jackson Five are talking about opening a theme park in Nigeria. The park would be built at an old slave port and feature a golf course, five star hotel, a casino, a Jackson Five museum and a slave park.

I wish I was making this stuff up.

The State of Michigan provides car pool lots at various locations throughout the state.  The idea is that you drive to the car pool lot where you either park your car and ride with some one else or you pick up your car poolers and drive to your destination.

Well, a few years ago when gas prices started to climb, the car pool lot that I use became so full that people were parking on the sides of the road.  Then the state expanded the lot, doubling it in size.  But again the demand was so high that people still had to park along side of the road as the lot was full.

Well, today with gas prices down below $2 a gallon, the lot is only about 10% full.  Plus, two of my car pools have quit the car pool in favor of driving them selves so that they can do their own thing.

I guess the price of freedom is something below $2 a gallon.

There are a pair of conjoined twin girls who have recently turn 18. And, both of them have expressed in interest in getting married. The only problem is that share the same reproductive organs. So, it would seem to me that if you have sex with one, you also have sex with the other.

Would they both have orgasms at the same time? Would they rate each others husband on their love making?  If they had a baby, who would be the biological mother?  The more I think about this, the weirder it gets. In fact, it is too weird even for me.

A man in India holds the Guinness book world record for the longest ear hair. At 10 inches, the man is proud of his accomplishment.  He reminds me of a character from the Wizard of Oz.

And to think that I always pull mine out.

All winter long, I have been seeing full page ads for Amish fireplaces. It looks like a fireplace but it is on wheels and plugs into any electrical outlet. It even has what looks like a flame.

The claim is that these fireplaces will reduce your heating bill through Amish technology. Well, first of all, you can’t really use Amish and technology in the same sentence. Second, the fireplace needs electricity which I didn’t think that Amish people had.

In actuallity, the fireplaces are nothing more than a fancy electric space heaters which are made in China. The Amish merely add a fancy wood trim to the heaters and through a massive ad campaign, market it as an energy saving device.

Now, granted, it may save energy as it allows you to turn down the heat for your whole house and only use the fireplace to heat the area that you are occupying. So, in that sense, it does work, but, so would any other electric space heater at a tenth of the cost of the Amish fireplace.

Makes you want to check that patchwork quilt just to make sure it wasn’t made in Thailand.

The economic down turn is certainly global.  A man in China found that he could no longer afford to support a wife and five mistresses. So, he decided to eliminate one of the mistresses.  Unfortunately, he let the eliminated one drive his car. Enraged over being culled, she drove the car off a cliff with him in it. He survived but she didn’t.

Hell has no fury….