The other day as I was returning from a meeting at work, I stopped to use the restroom. Since I was carrying a bottle of water and needed to set it down, I put it on the shelf by the hand driers.

Since I have done this hundreds of times in the past, I didn’t have second thoughts about it. People regular put their water bottles and coffee cups on that shelf.

As I was standing at the urinal, a maintenance work with a plunger walked up to the urinal next to me. He said “Oh, thats why its plugged. There is a paper towel in the drain. Well, I am not reaching in there with my bare hand.”

The next thing that I know, he grabs my water bottle and tries to remove the paper towel with it. After a few unsuccessful tries, he throws the water bottle in the trash and leaves.

I was speechless. And I certainly didn’t want my water bottle back. Beside, it was time for a new one any way.

I am warning my co-workers about this event. Who knows, if one of the toilets gets plugged, he may just grab their coffee cup.

I was in Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) the other day, having been tasked with purchasing a large jar of great northern beans. When I picked up the jar, I noticed that the label said “premium” beans.

Now, any time I see an adjective like “premium”, I think of it as special, a cut above the rest. So, seeing “premium” beans made me wonder what makes them premium? Are they bigger than regular beans? Maybe the difference is like whole cashews verses regular cashews?

Since I didn’t have any immediate answers to my questions, I decided that I needed to find a jar of regular beans for comparison. So, I scanned the shelves in search of regular beans. But, there were no jars of regular beans to be found, only the premium.

Maybe the regular beans are put into cans and not jars. If that is the case, then I would also have to buy a can of beans in order to compare the two. But, I knew that if I came home with both, I would have to answer to my wife, so I scrapped that idea.

Maybe Meijer’s only carries the premium beans. Well, what ever the case, I purchased the “premium” beans and completed my task.

Don’t even get me started on Saltines.

A woman in China went to the doctor because she had a pain in her a**. Upon examination, the doctor determined that pain was caused by a 6 inch knife lodged in one of her cheeks. After some reflection, the woman decided that the knife was the result of a robbery attempt 4 months earlier.

I suspect that she must have been a rather large woman.

A man in Arizona has successfully avoided 37 speeding tickets. How? By wearing a monkey mask.

It seems that in Arizona, they use automatic camera systems to take pictures of speeding motorist. But, while they have taken pictures of this guy speeding, he is always wearing a monkey mask so they can’t identify him.

I am sure that he will get caught eventually, but, in the mean time, he seems to be beating the system.

Poor Col. Khadafi. All he wants is a place to pitch his tent while he is in the US. His first choice was Central Park but the citizens of the city would not hear of it.  Then, he tried NJ but he efforts were resisted.

Finally, he tried to pitch his tent in White Plains, NY. But, the wealthy citizens of that area didn’t think that a tent would fit in well with their gated estates. So, once again, the Col. doesn’t have a place to pitch he’s tent.

Maybe he should try a KOA.

In an effort to accommodate the needs of the citizen of the State of Michigan, many of our call centers are multilingual. However, I ran across one the other day that needs some work.

The initial greeting from one of the call in lines give you a choice of 3 languages. And each of the choices announces itself in the correct language of choice. Unfortunately, the person that you are connected to only speaks English. So, even though you selected Arabic as the language of choice, the person answering the call doesn’t speak Arabic.

Well, it was a nice try anyway.

The state has installed a new barrier cable located in the median along a 10 mile strip of I-96 and it is doing its job. It hasn’t been in service over 30 days and has already blocked two cars from crossing over the median and into on coming traffic.

The real test will be with a semi.

I quite often have sausages for breakfast when I am at work. I buy 2 pounds of sausage links from “Gary’s” our local meat market, cook them up and then freeze them two per plastic bag. Then, when I get to work, I reheat them in the micro wave. 45 seconds and they are ready to eat.

But lately, they have taken to screaming in the micro wave. After about 30 seconds, they start whistling like a bottle rocket and continue to do so for the next 15 seconds. The whistling is so loud that it attracts people from the near by offices.

I wonder if they will blow up?

During our recent visit to Cincinnati, we stayed at the Candlewood Suites. The accommodation’s were nice but spartan. Kathy noted that there was no shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom. But, there was hand cream.

Now, I thought that it was unusual that there was hand cream but not shampoo and conditioner. After all, shampoo and conditioner are pretty basic items that everyone uses. But, maybe they had forgotten to restock the room. Kathy was great full for the hand cream as she need it.

It wasn’t until we got ready to leave that she discovered the truth. What she had been using as hand cream was, in reality, a shampoo and conditioner.

It worked well as hand cream.

The new international money standard is not gold or silver or even pork bellies. The new international money standard is chicken feet. At least, that is the way that the Chinese government views things.

The Chinese are upset over the economic sanctions imposted on Chinese products and are threatening to boycott American products. However that boycott does not include chicken wings and feet.

Apparently, the Chinese have come to enjoy the nice fat chicken feet that America produces. So, to boycott them would impose an extreme hardship on the Chinese people. So, rather that risk a revolt, American chicken feet will be allowed in China.

Maybe the Chinese will acquire a taste for Rocky Mountain Oysters.