Fulton Street Blues!

Fulton Street, the Grand Rapids segment of M-21, was once a major thorough fare. But not any more. If you drive down that road, you will get a red light at every intersection.

At first, I thought it was just my timing that caused me to hit every light red. But, the more that I drove down the road, the more I came to realize what was happening. The State had set the traffic light timing to impede the flow of traffic down this road.

Now, I understand that the State wants people to use the I-196 business loop instead of M-21. Unfortunately, the I-196 business loop is closed for reconstruction. So, motorists are forced to find alternate routes.

So, as it stands right now, the State is using State tax dollars to maintain a State road that the tax payers of the State are being discouraged from using.

I guess, if the State doesn’t want the tax payers of the State to use a State road funded by the tax payers of the State, then maybe the State should turn the road over to the city of Grand Rapids. Oh wait, the city doesn’t want the road either because they can’t afford to maintain it. Well, how about if the State just closes Fulton all together and turn it into to a big mall with community gardens.

R.I.P. Woody.

For many years, Woody was a local icon at the Lowell expressway ramps. Every afternoon, Woody would park his pickup trunk along side of the road where he would sell used golf equipment out of the back of the truck.

At first, Woody started out with just a few sets of golf clubs which he had purchased at garage sales. But, after a few years, his golf equipment selection had grown to the point that he had custom built racks in the back.

Well, last week as I passed Woody’s parking spot, there was a large sign announcing his passing. In keeping with his love of the sport, he died while playing golf. R.I.P. Woody.

Happy Meals!

A consumers group is suing McDolands claiming that Happy Meals target children.  No Duh!!!  I wonder where they got their first clue?

Of course Happy Meals target children.  And, so do those indoors play centers.  So what else is new?

I guess the group is complaining that the toy inside the Happy Meal is the real attraction and not the food.  Again I have to say “Ya, so?…”

When I was a kid, we had these things called Cracker Jacks.  When I opened a box, the first thing that I looked for was the prize.  Once the prize was located and examined, I ate the contents. The caramel corn was OK but the real treat was the prize.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times as a child that I ate a particular cereal just because of the cutouts on the box.  And, lets not forget the baseball cards that came with bubble gum.  The list is almost endless.

Yes, Happy Meals attract children but they also attract half witted adults like those raising this law suit.

New Chairs for Old!

When we first set up our conference rooms at work, they all had new matching chairs. But, as time went on, people swapped their old office chairs for the new ones in the conference rooms. So, after a few years, the conference rooms housed some of the grossest looking chairs. Some were so bad that people refused to sit in them.

Well, recently, all of the old conference room chairs were replaced with nice new matching chairs. 50 in all. But, of course, people started swapping their old office chairs with the new ones in the conference rooms. So, it will only be a matter of time before all of the new chairs are replace with old grubby ones once again.

If the administration really wanted to get on top of this, they would offer new chairs to any one who wanted one. That way the conference room chairs would stay pristine.

Painting the Pole.

One of our neighbors has painted part of the utility pole, on his/her property, white. I am not sure why they did this. Didn’t they like the dark gray color of the pole? Did they think that white would blend in better with the grass?


A local fast food restaurant chain is selling any size soft drink for only $.99. When I stopped there recently and ordered a soft drink, the counter clerk asked me what size I wanted.

Well, since all sizes were the same price, I ordered a large of course. I figured that I could always throw away what I didn’t want.

But, I had to wonder how many people ordered just a small? I suppose, if you had children, you might want to limit their consumption of soft drinks. After all, a 32oz drink might make them sick. But, for the rest of the world, asking what size we want seems to beg the question.

The PBX Upgrade.

A few years ago, the State of Michigan decided to upgrade one of their telephone systems. And, since I was the most knowledgeable person on staff, I was charged with the team lead.

Now, given that this was a large telephone system, the upgrade, from start to finish, would take about 9 months. But, since I had been through other large upgrades, I was up to the challenge.

I assembled my team, identified rolls and responsibilities and conducted regular meetings. And, the closer that we got to the actual “turn up” date, the meetings occurred on a weekly basis.

We were within 8 weeks of the “turn up ” date when the director told me that Pat was really in charge of the project. I was surprised by this information but not offended. So, I asked if I was the assistant. He told me that Dan was the assistant. Some what confused I asked him if I was the acting team lead. Again, he said no.

Now, not being a glory hound, I asked what I should be doing since I wasn’t the team lead, the assistant team lead or the acting team lead. The director told me to continue on as before.

Now, sensing that something wasn’t quite right about this whole thing, I asked him if Pat and Dan knew about their new roles and responsibilities. After a few moments of hesitation, the director stated that they did not. I then asked if he was going to tell them and he said “no”.

So, I was not actually in charge of the project but the people who were didn’t know it.

And the management wonders why we think that they are all crazy.

BTW, the project came off without a hitch and Pat and Dan never did know of the responsibilities for the whole thing.

Sandal Etiquette!

Well, it is summer and sandals are once again the foot attire of choice for many people. If you choose to wear sandals please understand that many people will be looking at your feet. So, clean underneath your toenails!

I saw a woman the other day whose toenails looked as if she had been trimming celery barefooted in the muck. Gross!! I mean, unless you have been walking on the road to Emmaus, there is no excuse for dirty toenails. A shower followed by an under nail scraping with a nail file should do the trick.

Likewise with painted toenails. If you are going to paint your toenails, then keep up the paint job. Chipped nail polish is something that you would expect to see on the toenails of a third grader not an adult. If you don’t have time to touch up your nails, then maybe you should wear socks until you do have time.

Finally, if you have injured any one of your toes and the nail is turning black, WEAR STOCKS!! No one want to see that ugly black thing as it curls up and dies.

These suggestions should have been self evident but apparently they are not.


Recently, I bought a Blue Tooth for my cell phone. Since I am alway getting phone calls while driving, I figured that a Blue Tooth would leave me “hands free” while on the phone.

Well, as I was trying to interface my Blue tooth with my cell phone, I discovered that my phone wanted to learn my vocal commands. So, in setting it up, it asked for a half dozen verbal commands along with a number count.

Now, the setup worked well except for the verbal command “exit”. “Exit” was suppose to end the “command mode”. But, instead of saying “exit”, it wanted me to say “eggzit”. Try as I might, I couldn’t get it to recognize anything except “Eggzit”. That is when I realized that I was not training it, it was training me. So, after I started saying “eggzit”, it recognized my verbal command and ended the “command mode”.

But once, when the phone accidentally entered the “command mode”, I tried to end it by saying “eggzit”. Unfortunately, no matter how I said “Eggzit”, it kept asking me to “say a command”. Finally, out of frustration, I said “eat sh**” to which it responded “command mode ended”.

Well, what ever works I guess.