Power Flush.

The toilets here at Karmanos Hospital are state of the art, low water units. So, in order for them to really flush, they use a lot of water pressure.

Well, the toilet in the visitors bathroom has the water pressure set just a little too high. I found this out the hard way. The first time that I flushed it, I was standing too close and it threw water on me. So, from then on, I flush and run.


The last time that Kathy was in the hospital, I noted that the scrubs worn by the staff looked very comfortable. So, the next time that she went into the hospital, I decided to purchase a set.

Scrubs are like pajamas that you can work in. Not only can you work in them, you can also sleep in them. And besides, civilian clothes in a hospital just look out of place. So, I set out to get me some scrubs.

My first stop was a discount uniform store in Grand Rapids. I had purchased clothing there in the past and knew that they carried a good selection. But, when I arrived at the store, it was no longer there. Rats!

A quick check of the internet yielded a store close to the hospital. So, I stopped in.

When I entered the store, there were racks of pink scrubs on my left and racks of green scrubs on my right. I opted for the green since it was my goal to fit in.

Shortly after I started flipping though the racks, I was approached by a clerk. She, in turn, redirected me to the mens section.

Now, I was expecting that the scrubs would be sized the same as regular clothing. They are not. They run from XXS to XXL. So, I asked the clerk for assistance. She told me that I would just have to experiment on the sizes.

After a few tries, I was able to determine that I needed an M but that only gave me the waist size. The length was a whole different matter. As far as I could tell, there was no length marked on the pants. So, I ended up sorting through the entire stack until I found a pair that fit.

Next, was the shirt. No problem with length. I just needed one big enough. After my second try, I settled on an XL.

Great! With a pair of pants and shirt, I was set for hospital attire.

Searching for Mom.

A man, who had been adopted, went looking for his biological mom. Well, he found her. She was the bearded lady in a side show.

She was born a hermaphrodite. But, her mom decided that she wanted a little girl, so the other parts were cut off. But, when puberty hit, so did the beard.

And though she conceived and bore a son, her beard remained.

Now, if they had not removed her male genitals, could she have impregnated herself? And if she had, would she then be the man’s mother and father?

I need to get out more.

The Bagel Slicer.

Most of the time when we buy bagels, they are already sliced. But, the other day, I bought some bagels from the fresh bakery section.

When I got them home, I got out our bagel slicer and attempted to slice my bagel. But, to my dismay, my bagel slicer was broken.

Now, our old slicer was made from Plexiglas and only held the bagel while you sliced it with a knife. But, the new ones that I have seen come with a slicing mechanism.

So, the other day when I was in Meijers (regional grocery chain), I went into the kitchen gadget section to purchase a bagel slicer. I wandered up and down the housewares section for a few minutes but couldn’t locate one. Finally, I spotted a clerk and asked him.

Now, the clerk knew just exactly what I wanted and immediately charged down the isle. Thinking that he knew where they were located, I followed behind. But, after a few trips up and down, he couldn’t find them either. So, he called someone.

Moments later, another clerk arrived. He was the assistant kitchen gadget manager. And he too charged up and down the isles looking for a bagel slicer. Soon, two more clerks arrived and assisted in the search. Eventually, they concluded that they were either out of bagel slicers or they don’t carry them.

I can’t imagine that bagel slicers would be a high demand item at the Meijers in Lowell, so I suspect that they just don’t carry them.

Cemetery Visits.

We live across the street from a cemetery. And, over the years, I can say one thing; no one visits the graves of anyone who has been dead for more than 50 years. Oh, the veterans groups may come in and put a flag on the grave of their fallen comrades, but, after 50 years, no one remembers them.

My mother, bless her heart, used to spend days looking for the graves of great “what evers”. More often than not, she couldn’t find the cemetery. And if she did, she couldn’t find the grave. And she did all of this just so she could plant a geranium on the grave site.

I always wondered if she did this just to make amends for how poorly she treated the rest of her family?

Well, we do not remember the names of great aunt and uncle….. And, we certainly don’t know where they are buried. And so, while my mothers efforts were valiant, ultimately, no one remembers . Sorry.

The Yard Sale.

The other day, as I was driving down the road, I noticed a yard sale. And, the yard sale had the usual items for sale: clothing, furniture, toys, tires, bicycles, car door.

Car door? Yes, car door. Passenger side, to be exact. While I couldn’t identify the make, model or year, it was, none the less, a car door.

Some how, a car door is not what I would expect to find at a yard sale. After all, very few people need to replace their car door and if they do, it is highly unlikely that they would find what they need at a yard sale.

But, given that this is Lowell, it could have been sold very quickly.

The Octo Mom.

Well, we all knew it would come down to this. The Octo Mom is going on welfare because she can’t afford to support her family. So, now we get to support them.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to large families. But, if you are going to have a large family, then you need to support them. Hello?!!

I realize that Octo Mom was planning on reality shows and book deals for support, but that didn’t work out. I would love it if a reality show came along to support me but that ain’t gonna happen. It makes you wonder if she planned this just so she could cash in on the fame.

Well, now that Octo Mom can no longer afford her nannies, she will be stuck raising her 13 children by her self. Of course, it is only a matter of time before the state steps in and removes the children from their unfit mother.

Hiking Near Iran.

Well, the female hiker, who wandered over the boarder into Iran, has been released after over a year in captivity. Her two friends remain in custody.

While the US news is shocked at their treatment, I have just one question; What were they doing there in the first place???? Did they accidentally wandered away from their KOA?

It is not like their plane crashed and they found themselves in a dangerous situation. No. They paid good money to be transported to an unstable region so they could hike along the border knowing that they could be shot an any moment.

Well, guess what? They got captured. Enough said.

You can’t fix stupid.

Where’s My Road?!

My car pooler is out with a broken foot. So, since we are not carpooling at this time, I take the back roads to work. Well, this morning, as I was cruising down the back roads, my paved road suddenly turned into gravel. There were no signs, no warnings. The county simply removed the asphalt.

I guess the county decided that they didn’t need to put up any signs. I hope that they are planning on replacing the asphalt.

Skeletons and Santa Claus.

This has to be a difficult time for the retail businesses.  Having to prepare for the next holiday while waiting for the present holiday to pass can be a challenge.

So, when I was in the building supply store last weekend, there were two displays right side by side.  One featured Halloween supplies including a life size skeleton.  And the other had Christmas decorations with a life size Santa Claus.

I guess Thanksgiving is now an insignificant holiday.