The Excuse Award.

Recently, a third grade girl was given an award at school for the most creative excuses for not doing her homework.  Her mother was outraged.

Well mom, the award should have gone to you.  It is quite obvious that you are not supportive of your daughters education or of the school system.

Thar’s Bar In Them Thar Hills.

The Department of Natural Resources has acknowledged that there are now bears in the area.  But, they said to just leave the bears alone and they will scamper back into the woods on their own.

Of course, the  whole reason that the bears came out of the woods in the first place is to find something to eat.  So, the supply of food will determine just how often they are sighted.  And what do bears eat?  Bugs and rodents and fish and small domestic animals.

But don’t worry.  I am sure that your little fufu dog will be just fine.

…And Two Waitresses.

The 5 AM news can be a little challenging for the news casters.  This morning, they reported that after the prisoners sawed through the bars on their cell window, they pushed two waitresses through the window to cushion their fall.  Moments later, they corrected themselves and said that it was two mattresses.

Well, I suppose that if the waitresses were big enough, they might be better than the mattresses.

Low Fat Dressing.

The other day at lunch, I ordered a salad with low fat dressing. But, to my dismay, they had replaced the fat with sugar.  So, I actually had more calories with the low fat dressing than I would have had with the regular.

Some day you just can’t win.

Fat Chickens.

It used to be that chicken was considered to be lean meat once you removed the skin.  But, not any more.

In an effort to produce more chickens in less time, new hybrids have been developed.  Instead of taking 120 days to develop, these new chickens are ready for market after only 40 days. Unfortunately, these new birds put on their weight with a higher fat content than the older breeds.  And this of course means that the meat is no longer as lean as it once was.  So, for those of you on a diet, there might be more calories in that breast than you believe there to be.

The Bicycle Caper!

On the last day of school for some 60 senior high students, they decided to ride their bicycles to school.  The Principle was not amused.  And, in spite of the fact that they had a police escort for the ride, the Principle suspended them all for the day.

Needless the say, the parents were not impressed with the Principles decision and a school board meeting was called.

I think that the Principle needs to lighten up or she will loose her job.

Gas Gougers!

Well, the annual Memorial Day gas gouging has started.  But, this time the oil piggies didn’t wait until Thursday to jump the gas prices.  They jumped them on Tuesday afternoon instead.

I guess they didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to exploit the holiday travelers.  After all, with the weather being so nice, I lot of travelers will be heading out early and buying their gas even earlier.  So, a $.25 gas hike was needed on Tuesday.

Fortunately, I managed to gas both of my cars at the low price as Lowell was just starting to jump their prices.  I love my Gas Buddy iPhone app.

Mare Is A Single Syllable

Mare is a singel syllable for most of us.  But, for the morning news commentator, it is two syllables as in mayor.  So, when the news commentator commented that a mayor in Mecosta county had come down with a rare equine disease, I was quite concerned.  But, after a while, I realized that she meant to say “mare” and not mayor.

I wonder if she is from the south?

The Bear Is Back!

Well, yesterday, the bear was spotted in the Ada area in Seidman park.

This is west of where I live.  It is also gentle country living at its best with even bigger and more expensive houses on large acres of land.  It is the land of fresh air and, apparently, bear.  It is also the area where people have hunting rifles and a low tolerance for anyone or anything disturbing their peace and quiet.

The bear may suddenly disappear.


Here Today, Gone Tomorrow.

Well, the bear, or at least a bear, has been spotted north of Grand Rapids on a local golf course.  While they can’t be sure it is the same bear, the bear has never yet been reported in two places at the same time.

Now, the good citizens of Grand Rapids were mildly amused when the bear was spotted out in the rural communities but not so with the sightings in there own back yards.  After all, these people paid good money for their expensive houses in their exclusive neighborhoods.  So, a marauding bear could reek havoc with their property values.

I guess they should have moved into a gated community.