The other day, I was in Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) buying some miscellaneous items for supper. Since I only had a couple of items, I decided to use the self checkout machine.

I have found that I prefer the self checkout machines because they are fast and allow me to bag my items the way I want them bagged and not the way that the clerk wants them bagged. The other thing that I like about the self checkout machines is that it is a great way to get rid of loose change.

Loose change is one of my pet peeves. When I use the regular checkouts, I always pay with paper money because it is so much faster than fumbling through my pockets searching for that rogue penny. Thus, by the end of the week I have amassed a small fortune in pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.

Saturday is shopping day for me at Meijer’s. This is the day when I restock the refrigerator with produce, the freezer with staples such as orange juice and ice cream and the pantry with other essentials such as tp. But even though I try to make only one trip to Meijer’s on a Saturday, someone will always remember an item or two that didn’t make the list on time. The forgotten items get noted and purchased on the 5PM trip to Meijer.

It is on the 5PM run to Meijer’s that I gather up all the pennies, nickels and dimes and put them in my pocket. (The quarters I keep separate as they are really the only useful coin any more.) When I make my purchases on my final Saturday trip to Meijer’s, I haul out a fist full of change and start plugging it into the self checkout machine. On some days, I might have almost $5 worth of change. But, it was on this 5PM trip that I got robbed

Since I only had to purchase a few items, my total at the self checkout machine was $5.32. Great. I knew I had some loose change in my pocket so I hauled it out. There it was, 32 cents! Two nickels, two dime and two pennies! 32 cents. Even money. Empty pocket! Oh happy day! (I don’t get out much.)

I put in the pennies, now it is only 30 cents. I put in the two nickels, now it is only 20 cents. I put in the first dime, now it is 10 cents. I put in the second dime, now it is 10 cents. What? 10 cents? No, it should be 0 cents! That last dime didn’t register! How can that be? I pushed the coin return. Nothing! I tapped the machine lightly with my fist! Nothing. The bloody machine took my dime! I’ve been robbed.

Finally, I took a 5 and a 1 from my wallet, stuck it in the machine, and received 90 cents worth of change. I gathered my change from the dispenser, put it in my pocket and left the store, a defeated man.