Whenever I go to the dentist, they give me free toothpaste, a free toothbrush and a free spool of dental floss.  But whenever I go to the doctors, I leave empty handed.  Why is that?

This year I have decided to give up kale for Lent.  The decision wasn’t easy as I could have given up parsnips or artichokes instead.  But in the end, kale prevailed.  So, if I get the urge to eat kale during Lent, I will just substitute shredded newspapers instead.

This years Daytona 500 had so many crashes that they should give out trophies to every one who actually managed to finish the race.

While I no longer watch the Academy Awards, I did catch the news.  When it came to the Best Picture award, the presenters blurted out “La La Land” before the awards envelope was even opened.  Unfortunately, they were wrong.  Had they waited and read the contents of the envelope, they would have found out that it was really “Moonlight” instead.  And these people think that they could run this country.  Sad.

It used to be that condom were kept behind that counter at the pharmacy and not on public display.  Then they moved to the store shelves.  Now they are advertised on TV with a buy one box and get the second box for half price.    Times have changed.

Some fast food places have now started to ask for a name for the order.  That way when your order is ready, they can call your name.  This is fine and dandy except when you have a name like mine.  When I tell them “Ned” they say Ed? or Fred?  And since I have gotten tired of playing the name game, I just tell them that my name is Dave.   I mean “Dave” is a pretty common name and hard to confuse with any other names.  But the other day when I told them that my name was “Dave”, they said “Steve”?  And since I didn’t want to play the name game I said “that works”.  A few minutes later I heard, “Steve your order is ready”.

The other day while shopping at the mall, I noticed two teenage girls with their Victoria Secrets bags proudly on display out in front of them as they walked.  And the way that they were walking lead me to believe that they wanted the world to see them and their bags.  Whatever.

A few weeks back, the media reported that top Department of State officials have resigned because of President Trump.  In all actuality, they were fired.  And the media wonders why people don’t trust them.

In response to President Trumps immigration moratorium, Iran is banning all Americans from entering the country.  Wow!  I guess that they will no longer be able to capture American tourists and hold them for ransom.

The Doomsday clock was recently advanced by 30 seconds. Of course the clock was moved ahead over the fears of global warming and not because Hillary Clinton sold the Russians 20% of our uranium.  I guess the fear of nuclear war has been replaced with the fear of global warming.