Renting Ice.

I saw a van the other day. On the side of it was an advertisement for “Ice Rental”.

Ice rental? Ice rental? For me, if you rent something you are expected to return it after a predetermined amount of time.  So, if I rent the ice, do I have to return it after I am finished with it?

My daughter is getting married next summer so do I rent the ice or buy it outright? If I rent, do I say to my guests, Hey! You can’t leave now! That ice is only rented! I need it back!

I don’t think I will rent the ice.

Clearance Sale!

When I was in Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) the other day, I notice a big sign advertising “Clearance Sale!”. When I checked it out, I noticed that they had wine on sale.

Now, when ever I see wine on a clearance sale, I am always skeptical. If wine is on sale, then there must be a reason for the sale such as “no one buys it because it is really bad stuff.” So, I looked over the selection.

I saw a lot of wine in fancy bottles which usually means that the contents are not that good. So, unless I am just looking for a fancy bottle, I will usually pass on these selections.

But, I also saw some wine in traditional bottles. What is wrong with these I thought? Bad vintage? No, too expensive. Even though an $80 bottle of wine is marked down to $65, it is still too expensive for most people.

Personally, the most that I have ever spent on a bottle of wine is $30 and only then because I couldn’t find anything comparable for less.

I wonder what they do with the wine when they can’t even sell it on a clearance sale?

Chinese Chicken Feet.

Go into any Chinese market in any China town and they will have fresh chicken feet for sale. Chinese Chicken Feet are an old world delicacy eaten by old world Chinese. In fact, most of the younger generation of Chinese in the US don’t even know how to prepare or eat chicken feet. However, that may be changing.

I was in a Chinese market the other day and noticed that they had frozen chicken feet in hot sauce. In an old world/new world setting, chicken feet are now found in the heat and serve freezer section along with egg rolls and fried won tons.

Of course, given the fact that I have never found any one who was craving chicken feet, I am not sure just how popular they will be. But, at least they are now available in an easy to serve form.

Rx Hook Worms.

A west coast man, with severe asthma, learned that asthma is almost unheard of in some regions of Africa. He claims that the reason for this is hook worms.

So, the man travel to Africa and walked around barefooted until he had contracted hookworms. Once he was infected, his asthma symptoms completely disappeared. Heres why.

Hookworms are found in animal dung. When someone steps in the dung with bare feet, these tiny worms penetrate the skin and enter into the blood stream. Once in the blood stream, they travel to the heart and then the lungs. From there they go up the trachea, into the mouth, down into the stomach and finally come to rest in the intestines where they feed on blood.

Now, the transition from the lungs to the mouth is critical to the survival of the hookworms. After all, if the lungs close up, they will be trapped and die. So to prevent this, they secrete a chemical that prevents asthma attacks.

Hookworms are not fatal to normal healthy human beings but asthma attacks can be. The only real side affects of the hookworms is slight anemia. So, given the benefit of the parasite, the west coast man has started marketing hookworms as a treatment for asthma.

Of course, while he doesn’t have FDA approval to use hookworms as a medical tool, there is nothing illegal about selling them. And, I am sure that when those with severe asthma hear about hookworms, business will take off.

I don’t know if this is something out of sci-fi or the dark ages.

RIP Mary Jo Kopechne.

Ted Kennedy is dead. As far as I am concerned, he died 40 years ago when he walked away from a car accident leaving Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.

Imagine being trapped in that car while the only person who could help you swims to safety. Not only didn’t he help her, he didn’t even bother to tell the authorities about the accident until the car was discovered the next day.

He did leave a legacy though. He will always be remembered for the Mary Jo Kopechne incident.

40 Goats and 20 Cows.

A man in Africa has a standing offer for the hand of Chelsea Clinton; 40 goats and 20 cows. I understand that this is very generous by African standards.

A man from Africa once offered me some livestock for the hand of my youngest daughter but nothing that generous. Maybe if he had, she would be in Africa today.

I wonder how much he would offer for Hillary?

Breast ID.

The mutilated body of a young woman was found stuffed into a suit case. The body was in such bad shape that they could not identify it using conventional methods.

So did they do DNA testing or forensic reconstruction to ID the body? No, they used the serial numbers on her breast implants.

So much for dental records.

Jackie Oh!

An autographed picture of a naked Jackie O was recently found in the belonging of Andy Warhol. It has obviously been there for some time but no one noticed it until recently.

One can’t help but wonder what the picture was all about. Since it was autographed, she must have approved of the picture. Was she handing them out as gifts? Christmas cards perhaps? Maybe she was hoping to convert him. Or was she hoping he would paint her nude ?

We will probably never know but you can’t help but wonder if there are other naked pictures of her out there. I am sure that the internet will be flooded with such claims.

Check Your Pits!

An amusement park in England has banned visitors from raising their arms when ever the temperature is above 77 degrees.  The reason?  B.O.!

It seems the Brits are not real keen when it comes to personal hygiene and deodorants.  So, for the protection of their guests and their rides, the lifting of arm is prohibited.

Personally, if someone smells that bad then maybe a little fresh air on those “pits” is what they need.  After all, the solution to pollution is dilution.

Perhaps the park should provide more water rides.

Pee Wee Herman.

Pee Wee Herman is getting his own show again. It will be similar to his original TV show except that is will be on the stage instead of TV.

I am sure that it will only be a matter of time before he is back on TV.