A number of years ago, a co-worker of mine joined a frozen food club. He raved about what a great deal he was getting. The club would deliver frozen food right to his door each month.

The way the club worked was that you signed up for a year and they provided you with a predetermined amount of frozen fruit, vegetables, and meat. The amount of each was determined by which plan you chose. And, in return, you made monthly payments to the club.

Each month, you called them and told them what you wanted and they delivered it right to your door. They even put it in the freezer for you.

Now, the operative word in the plan is “predetermined”. This means that if your plan called for only 12 chickens, then you could only get 12 chickens. If you wanted more chickens, you had to sign up for an additional plan. And, if your plan called for 30 pounds of green beans, then you got 30 pounds of green beans whether you wanted them or not.

Now, my co-worker was about 6 months into the plan when he ran out of meat.   So, he called the food club and asked about getting additional meat. The club told him that they could upgrade his plan to get more meat but it would also include more vegetables. He told them that he had enough vegetables to last the year and only needed the meat. The club told him that the meat is only sold as a package with the vegetables. So, reluctantly, he agreed.

A few days later, the new meat order arrived and all was well. He now had all of the meat that he would need for the next 6 months and more vegetables than he could ever use in 2 years.

When his contract with the club expired, he chose not to renew. That is when things got interesting. Since he was not renewing, the food club had to deliver the balance of the food left on the plan, namely, frozen vegetables.

When the vegetables arrived, he discovered that there was not enough room in his freezer. Fortunately, his mother-in-law lived just down the road and she had plenty of room in her freezer. So between the two of them, they managed to handle all of the vegetables. All was well once again.

When the heat of summer arrived, he decided that they need to head north for a vacation. So, he loaded up his family and his mother-in-law and headed out in the car.

He had only been gone about two days when the storm hit. The high winds ripped a large branch out of a tree by his house and it fell on to the power lines which, in turn, snapped. Since he was at the end of the power run, the only ones affected were his house and his mother-in-laws house.

When they returned two weeks later, they found the mess. The food in both freezers had not only thawed, it had also begun to rot. Some of the bags of vegetables had swollen up like a soccer ball while other had just plain burst. What a mess!

Initially, he thought that he could just bag the mess and put it out for the regular trash pick-up. But, it soon became clear that a dumpster would be needed. And so, a dumpster was delivered that very day and clean up began.

After three days and gallons of hot soapy water, the house was back to normal. He never mentioned the food club again.

We have about a half acre of Wild Garlic Mustard growing in our back yard. We have been told that it is a nasty weed that is hard to eradicate. And that we need to get rid of it because it chokes out native wild flowers.

We have tried over that past four years to get rid of the stuff but have failed in our attempts. We have chopped it, and pulled it but it just seems to keep coming back.

Someone suggested that we use Round Up on it, which isn’t an all bad idea. With Round Up, we could easily spray the stuff in just one Saturday afternoon. The only thing is that we would put the other good plants in jeopardy. In particular, we could damage our beautiful crop of wild Wood Phlox.

Every May, our back yard is awash in purple from the blossoms on these beautiful wild flowers. And while the aroma may be a little over powering at times, it only lasts for a few weeks so we can live with that.

The problem at hand is getting rid of the Wild Garlic Mustard without harming the Phlox. While selective chopping doesn’t seem to work and pull by hand poses an unacceptable consumption of time, Round Up might work but it would need to be sprayed very carefully.

While we knew that the Wild Garlic Mustard is a biannual, which stays green year round, we did not know just exactly what a Phlox is. So, I went out on the internet to check them out.

What I learned is that Phlox are a perennial and that they have a five petal, purple blossom. Well, while our Phlox mainly have purple blossoms, they also have some that are pink and some that are white. But wait, our Phlox must be some variant from the norm as they only have four petals on the blossoms.

Upon further research on Phlox on the Internet, I learned that we do not have Phlox at all. Instead, the plants that we have enjoyed for the past 20 years are Dames Rockets.

This would explain why we have not been able to identify our plants in the native wild flowers books.

Dames Rockets are not indigenous to North America. They were brought to North America from Europe by early settlers. And, they are a member of the Wild Garlic Mustard family and considered by many to be more invasive than the Wild Garlic Mustard. In fact, the Department of Natural Resources in some states, have asked hikers to pull any Dames Rocket plants that they see in the woods.

Now, we have a dilemma. It appears that we have a backyard that is full of weeds. And by rights, we should eradicate them all. But, for the sake of principle, do we eliminate the beautiful flowers in our back yard because they immigrated to this country many years ago? Some how, it doesn’t seem right.

Could we say the same for illegal immigrant workers?

I rented a Chrysler 300 when we were in Las Vegas recently. It was a nice car but it had a slow leak in the right rear tire. This slow leak meant that I needed to find a gas station with an air hose.

Of course, I should have complained to the car rental place but that would have taken time which we didn’t have. So, for 50 cents, I could buy enough air to fill my leaking tire.

Now, a lot of gas stations no longer provide air and none of them provide free air. Free air went the way of full service stations. So, finding air was a bit of a challenge.

The first station that I stopped at had an air hose but when I put my money in the box, nothing happened. (at least with the slot machines you get to watch the wheels spin) So, I moved on down the road to the next station.

The next station was a busy place but they did have air. Unfortunately, the air unit was next to a parking space and some one was parked in the space. This meant that I couldn’t get at the air until the parking space was empty, so I waited.

Eventually, a guy in his twenties came out of the gas station and got into the car. Great! He should be leaving any time now. But, he didn’t. He just sat there.

The car had dark tinted windows but I could see a woman sitting in the car. She had long fingernails and she kept bringing them up to her nose. I concluded that she was either trying to dig a booger out of her nose or she was snorting cocaine. I suspected the latter.

Well, since it didn’t appear that they were leaving any time soon, I double parked the car and put air in the tire. I kind of suspect that someone in the gas station sold them the drugs.

The next day when I returned for more air, the car was gone but now there was a guy in a wheel chair parked in that spot. Rats! I pulled in slowly next to him.

I didn’t want him to freak out so I put the window down and announced that I needed air.  He didn’t say anything, he just sat there.  Apparently that was his place to hang.  I guess everybody needs to be some place.

We reverse vasectomies. It was written in big bold letters on a billboard right next to the strip in Las Vegas. Right below the letters were a telephone number and the name of a clinic. In the background were some pictures of men and women dressed in medical garb. I guess they were the medical staff that would undo your vasectomy.

The billboard struck me as odd. Why would they advertise their services to the populous of Las Vegas?

At first it occurred to me that maybe this was some special nationally known clinic. After all, my dentist goes to Vegas to a special dental school. Or at least, the certificates of completion that hang on his wall indicate that he went to school there. So, maybe men come from all over the world just to get their vasectomies reversed at this special clinic.

But, after further reflection, I had to ask why a man would want to reverse his vasectomy? To have more children, of course. But why would he want to have more children? Why? Because he has a new young wife who wants children of her own, that’s why.

Ah, now it all makes sense. When a young man gets married, he can’t afford much of a honeymoon, so he goes somewhere that is inexpensive. But not so with an older man. An older man has already made it in life and has money to spend. So a place like Las Vegas would be the ideal honeymoon destination for a high roller.

Since he is a high roller, he probably has a young, trophy bride and she may be thinking about having children. And while he probably won’t get a vasectomy reversal during his honeymoon, at least the seeds have been planted in both him and his bride. In another two years, he may make the return trip to use of their services.

One morning on the inclinator in the Luxor in Vegas, a guy told me that the real action was not on the strip but out at the Red Rock Casino. He said that the Red Rock Casino was the place where the locals go to play poker. Plus, he said that it was a fantastic casino and that it made everything on the strip look like a dump.

Well, it sounded interesting. So, since we were planing to go rock climbing at Red Rock Springs, we decided to stop in at the casino.

Well, the casino was nice enough. There were slot machines, Keno, poker, craps, roulette, bingo, bowling, a movie theater, a pool, a bar, a restaurant, a hotel and a Star Bucks. With the exception of bingo, everything seemed to be standard casino fare. I really didn’t see anything that made me go “Wow, this is a happenen place!”

The bingo parlor should have been my first clue. Who goes to a casino to play bingo? After all, you can play bingo in just about any town in the US so why play it at a casino? Why? Because the bingo tables will accommodate a wheel chair.

At the Luxor, we saw people of all ages but not once did we see a walker or an oxygen bottle. The Red Rock, however, was full of seniors with walkers and oxygen bottles. So, when the guy told me that Red Rock is where all the locals go to gamble, he was correct. In fact, it looked like the bus stopped at the home and loaded them up for a trip to the casino.

Now, understand, there were some young adults at the casino but they were a minority. And, the casino was nice enough but it could very easily be a Michigan casino.

Red Rock Casino. Nice but nothing special.

The rental car that we used in Las Vegas came with a GPS system. And if we knew how to use it, I am sure that it would have been very useful.

The GPS system showed us exactly where the car was on the road at any given time. For example, I could look down and see that I am headed west on Flamingo. And, if my destination happened to be on Flamingo, I was golden. However, if my destination happened to be on another road, I was out of luck unless I happened to cross that road. If I crossed the road that I wanted to be on, the GPS would show the name of the road.

After a while, we figured out how to find destinations. Unfortunately, the only destinations that were loaded into the GPS were the airport and the hotels. So, if we selected the MGM Grand as a destination, the GPS would show us where the MGM Grand is located. Unfortunately, it would not show us where we were located in relation to the MGM Grand. Nor would it show us how to get to the MGM Grand so it really wasn’t much help.

I am sure that if we knew how to use the GPS system, it would have been very helpful. As is, it was only a novelty.

While in Las Vegas, we like eating breakfast at a local restaurant chain called Blue Berry Hill. I really like Blue Berry Hill because they have good food and it is reasonably priced. And, it is nice to get off the strip. Plus, they offer Huevo Rancheros which are eggs fixed southwestern style.

Now, when you are on the strip, you see people from all over the world. But, when you are off the strip, you get to see some of the locals, so to speak.

One morning in particular, we noticed a man in his twenties riding a bicycle. Seeing a bicycle in Las Vegas is unusual in and of its self. And while I am sure that bicycles do exist in Las Vegas, this was the first time that I had seen one.

But, what made this bicycle rider more interesting was the fact that he was steering with one hand and balancing a case of beer on the handlebars with the other hand. And, this was no ordinary case of beer, it was a case of long neck glass bottles in a big cardboard box.

Now, I wouldn’t think that a bicycle would be the ideal means of transportation in Las Vegas given the temperature and the heavy traffic. And, I wouldn’t think that it would be the ideal means of transportation for a case of beer. However, I guess if you haven’t got a car, you make do with what you do have.

Judging by the smile on his face, he was either looking forward to enjoying his purchase or had already enjoyed his purchase and was looking forward to returning the empties for more.

Life is good!

When we arrived at Las Vegas recently, we needed to rent a car. The car needed to be large enough to seat five comfortable. I had reserved one in advance and was quite comfortable with my selection. But the rental agent talked me into upgrading to a larger car. She talked me into a Chrysler 300 because “You need a Hemi when driving in Vegas.”

She went on to explain that drivers in Vegas are rather crazy and you can never tell when you might need to accelerate quickly to maneuver in traffic. Having driven in Vegas on several occasions, I concurred with what she had to say. So, a Hemi it was.

In all honesty, 9 out of 10 of my rental cars have been a Chrysler 300 with a Hemi. They are fun to drive and only a little more expensive than cheapest five passenger model.

I guess the clincher was the GPS system that came with the car. The GPS system might come in handy as I navigate the streets of Las Vegas. But, that is a whole different posting.

With the exception of a leaky tire, the Chrysler 300 performed flawlessly. A nice car and a lot of fun to drive.

On the way to Vegas, we encountered a lot of recreation vehicles traveling on the Interstate. We saw a lot of pickup trucks pulling travel trailers and a lot of motor homes pulling cars. But we saw very few trucks pulling a fifth wheel.

I found the shortage of fifth wheels to be very strange as I would think that a fifth wheel would be the RV of choice.

With a motor home, you either have to pull a car or resign your self to the confinement of a camp ground. Plus, you have an investment of a motor and drive train which can only be used for travel. So, unless you are traveling continuously, your investment will sit idle.

With a travel trailer, you can leave the trailer in the camp ground and drive your truck to destinations. And, when you are not traveling, you can use your truck for other purposes. But, the conventional trailer hitch leaves a lot to be desired.

With a fifth wheel, you get the best of both worlds. You have a truck that can be used 365 days a year even when you are not traveling and you have a better hitch arrangement. So, why there are not more fifth wheels on the road is a mystery to me.

While staying at the Luxor casino in Las Vegas, I needed access to the Internet. The desk clerk told me that my room had Internet access and that there were connection instructions in my room. Well, I checked my room for instructions and found none. So, I turned on my laptop to see if they used WiFi. No WiFi.

Since there wasn’t any WiFI, there must be a cable connection of some sort. So, I started scanning the walls for a data drop of some sort but I couldn’t find any. Next, I did a scan of the entertainment center/wardrobe. There was nothing around the TV but when I opened the wardrobe, there was the cable modem. Feeling the back of the cable modem, I determined that all of the cables exited the rear of the wardrobe and went somewhere but where.

In particular, I was interested in the cable that I needed to connect to my laptop. I looked on either side of the entertainment center/wardrobe but could not find the cable that I needed. Then, I got a chair and decided to look on top of the entertainment center/wardrobe thinking that maybe it was up there.

The top of the entertainment center/wardrobe did not yield the needed cable but I did find it quite interesting. There was a box of condoms with one unused condom in it, two empty condom wrappers and a glass for a mixed drink.

Why would anyone put their condoms, empty condom wrappers and drink glass on top of the entertainment center/wardrobe? Why wouldn’t they keep their condoms in the night stand, throw away the empty wrappers and put their drink glass out in the hallway for the staff to pick up?

Ah! As I see it, the room service only empties the waste baskets in the morning when they make up the rooms. Likewise with the glasses and dishes in the hallway. So, if someone were having an afternoon tryst, come evening, the empty glass would still be in the hallway and the empty wrappers would still be in the waste basket. This, of course, would lead to the possibility of being caught by their significant other. So, to avoid being caught, the evidence was dumped on top of the entertainment center/wardrobe where it would be out of sight. After all, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I guess the entertainment center is really the center for entertainment.