At the hospital where Kathy is staying, they are upgrading the elevators. The new ones not only display the floors as they go by, they also announce the selected floor when you arrive.

Unfortunately, they need to improve the synthesized voice. While the floor number is clear, the word “floor” sounds more like a belch.

The first time that I rode the elevator, I happened to be standing right next to the speaker when it burped. Of course, people gave me a funny look. I, on the other hand, burst out laughing which only added to my embarrassment.

I am sure that they will eventually get the bugs worked out, but in the mean time, it is rather humorous. “Fifth uuurrr”. This is where I get off.

Traditionally, institutional coffee is not the best. So, when I visited the cafeteria in the hospital where Kathy is staying, I was encouraged to see that they served “Seattle’s Best” coffee.

Now, I had never had “Seattle’s Best” coffee before but it sounded good. After all, it did have the word “Best” in it’s name so it must be pretty good.

Well, either the poor people of Seattle suffer from a lack of good coffee or the cafeteria destroyed it. Regardless, it was not worth a second cup.

In an effort to enforce “pooper scooper” rules at an expensive condo complex in Baltimore, the association has decided to have DNA testing done on all of the resident dogs. That way, if any stray poo is found, it can be tested for ownership.

Of course, identifying the poo and collecting damages are two different matters. The evidence would be circumstantial since anyone could be framed just by digging through a dumpster and throwing some poo trash on the lawn.

This sounds like a job for Horatio.

Since the prep work for Kathy’s surgery included a 12 hour GI cleansing, we decided to head for our motel room in Detroit and do the prep there. Arriving at our room at 11 AM, I setup my PC while Kathy began drinking her prep solution.

The desk in our room was right next to the window, so I could work on the PC and look out the window. And, being able to look out the window, I could see that the parking lot was EMPTY.

Well, around noon, a Corvette, with a loud booming radio, pulled into the parking lot right next to our car. “Good” I thought, a car thief will steal the vet instead of my car.

A 40ish man, wearing an OJ sports outfit, climbed out and headed for the lobby. I noted that he was not carrying any luggage. Odd, I thought.

About 10 minutes later, a second car pulled into the parking lot. It was driven by a 40ish woman wearing a business suit. She too headed for the lobby without any luggage. Again, odd.

Now, since checkout time was noon, I figured that these people were stopping in to pick up their luggage. But, when 1 PM arrived and they both left without luggage, I concluded that they must have just stopped in to return their room keys. After all, why else would they be at the motel at noon?

Our video store is closing. So sad. I guess they couldn’t keep up with the competition from cable, satellite, Netflixs and the Red Box.

I will miss them. They had a great selection and their prices were very reasonable. I went there just about every week to rent videos.

I don’t know if there is any place else in Lowell that rents videos. I know that the local grocery store has a Red Box but it just doesn’t have the selection.

The first video store that I went to was Show Boat video. We rented movies there until I rented one that didn’t play. When I took it back to complain, the woman said that my machine had damaged it and charged me $16. I never went back. They went out of business some time later. No loss there.

Next, we found movies at the local grocery store. But, the store closed. After that, we rented at the local drug store but that too closed.

Then, we rented from a video store in Grand Rapids. They had a good selection but it was a pain to go to Grand Rapids every weekend. So, when the Movie Gallery opened, I was elated.

They almost closed a few years ago but they managed to keep going. I guess this time they couldn’t pull it off.

And to think, just a few weeks ago, they were trying to sell me a membership package that would give me 8 videos a month for a flat monthly fee. I guess it is a good thing that I didn’t sign up.

We make our own suet for the bird feeder. I go to the local meat market and buy bags of lard which is usually in the freezer case. Then, I grind it up and render it.

After it is rendered, I pour the hot fat into bread pans at a thickness that will fit our suet feeder. Then, I freeze the pans.

Once the fat is frozen, I remove it from the pans and break it in half. Then, I put the halves into a large plastic bag and stick it back into the freeze. So, when we need some suet, we pull a block of it out of the freezer and put it in the suet feeder.

Usually, when I render out the lard, I produce enough suet to last for 6 months. But lately, we have been feeding some Flickers, so we have been running out of suet about every 6 weeks. So, when we got down to our last brick of suet, I went to the meat market to get some more lard to render.

As usual, I went to the freezer case and picked up three bags of lard. I handed them to the clerk who weighed them up for me and after paying, I was out the door. SOP.

Now, I prefer working with the suet when it is still frozen because it is less gooey. And, such was my plan for this latest batch. Unfortunately, circumstances prohibited me from doing it the same day. So, rather than throwing the lard into the freezer, I put it in the garage. After all, the weather has been cool enough that the lard should be fine out there.

So, when Saturday rolled around again, I got out the grinder and the pot and was ready to start rendering lard. I went to the garage, grabbed the bags of lard and brought them into the kitchen. I reached into the bag and grabbed the first piece of suet.

When I looked at the suet, I noticed that something didn’t seem right. There was a bone in the middle of it. Must be the butcher made a mistake and gave me some bone with the fat. I threw the piece away as it was small and I didn’t want to deal with it. Then I took out the next piece and it too had a bone in the center of it.

A quick inspection of the bags revealed that I had not purchased lard. Instead, I had purchased ham hocks! Eight pounds of them!

I realized that I now had eight pounds of pork that has been sitting in a semi refrigerated environment. And, it was attracting flies. It quickly went into the trash. Tomorrow is another day.

The ugly black car is back. Rather, I am back walking down the street where I always see the ugly black car.

The ugly black car has a vinyl top and looks like it was painted with a paint brush on a hot sunny day. What makes the car so unusual is not just its looks but the fact that there is usually someone sitting in the car.

The occupant of the car is always just sitting there. At first I though the guy was apart of a stake out but since he has been there for over a year, I don’t think so. Plus, he doesn’t seem to be too concerned with what is going on in the neighborhood.

Why he is there remains a mystery but, he seems to be happy.

I was in a restaurant the other day and one of the categories on their menu sign was “Anitpasto”.  I kept looking at the sign and thinking I must be reading it wrong but, it said “anitpasto”.

I kind of liked the term “anitpasto”.  Maybe it should read “a nit pasto?”  or better yet, “it aint pasto.”

I wondered if they knew that their sign was wrong.  I was going to ask them but I was too shocked by the mistake.  As long as the sign had been there, I am sure that they must have known of the mistake.  Yet, they never corrected the mistake.  Why?

The next time I go there, I will point out the mistake.  Who knows, maybe I will get a free meal.

A man was recently sentenced to 400 years in prison for molesting a 6 year old girl. Now, while I think that sexual predators should be punished, I am concerned that such harsh sentences will lead to more violent crimes.

After all, if a sexual predator knows that he or she could get up to 400 years in prison if caught, he or she might opt to kill the child afterwards just to be safe. If the child is not found, then the predator is free to kill again. And, if the body is found, the predator would only get 30-40 years for murder instead of 400.

Punish the sexual predators but don’t make the punishment so harsh that they are forced to kill just to be safe.

With shelf space at a premium, many grocery stores have taken to hanging misc. items off of shelves. For example, in the baking section, plastic measuring cups can be found hanging from the shelves. Likewise, cocktail napkins can be found hanging from the shelves in the liquor isle. But I was surprised to see trays for veggies and dip hanging from the shelves next to the adult diapers.

I am still pondering that connection.