I quite often have sausages for breakfast when I am at work. I buy 2 pounds of sausage links from “Gary’s” our local meat market, cook them up and then freeze them two per plastic bag. Then, when I get to work, I reheat them in the micro wave. 45 seconds and they are ready to eat.

But lately, they have taken to screaming in the micro wave. After about 30 seconds, they start whistling like a bottle rocket and continue to do so for the next 15 seconds. The whistling is so loud that it attracts people from the near by offices.

I wonder if they will blow up?

During our recent visit to Cincinnati, we stayed at the Candlewood Suites. The accommodation’s were nice but spartan. Kathy noted that there was no shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom. But, there was hand cream.

Now, I thought that it was unusual that there was hand cream but not shampoo and conditioner. After all, shampoo and conditioner are pretty basic items that everyone uses. But, maybe they had forgotten to restock the room. Kathy was great full for the hand cream as she need it.

It wasn’t until we got ready to leave that she discovered the truth. What she had been using as hand cream was, in reality, a shampoo and conditioner.

It worked well as hand cream.

The new international money standard is not gold or silver or even pork bellies. The new international money standard is chicken feet. At least, that is the way that the Chinese government views things.

The Chinese are upset over the economic sanctions imposted on Chinese products and are threatening to boycott American products. However that boycott does not include chicken wings and feet.

Apparently, the Chinese have come to enjoy the nice fat chicken feet that America produces. So, to boycott them would impose an extreme hardship on the Chinese people. So, rather that risk a revolt, American chicken feet will be allowed in China.

Maybe the Chinese will acquire a taste for Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Washington state reports that an insane murderer has escaped from authorities.  Well, he didn’t exactly escape, he just sort of walked away.

It seems that the mental institution, where he was staying, decided to take its patients on a field trip to an amusement park.    And, while he was there, he disappeared.

Of course, the hospital staff looked for him for two hours before contacting the police so he had a pretty good head start.  And, given the amount of wilderness in the state, I doubt that they will catch the guy any time soon.

Fortunately, he didn’t kill anyone at the park.  You can’t fix stupid.

A woman who is 107 years old is contemplating getting married for the 23rd time. She feels that her 37 year old husband is thinking about leaving her for a younger woman. (Go figure!) If he does, then she wants to be back in the market for a new husband.

I have heard of men marrying older women because they secretly want a mother, but in this case, the guy must have wanted a great grand mother!

It pays to check your drive through food order before you leave the window. So, a pair of North Carolina teens discovered.

The pair was confused as to why there were three bags of food when it was just the two of them but they took the bags and left. As they were driving down the road, they opened the third bag. To there surprise, they found a bag of marijuana and a 9 millimeter pistol.

When they stopped for gas, a guy pulled in behind them and demanded the bag. They gave it to him.

The police are investigating.

A Grand Rapids man was recently arrested for drunk driving. It seems he was found driving 10 mph on the shoulder of the expressway.

When questioned, he admitted to consuming a 12 pack of beer. A check of priors revealed that he had already been arrested for drunk driving 5 other times.

What was he driving at the time of his arrest?  His electric wheel chair.

A bank in Italy has 17,000 tons of Parmesan cheese stored in its vaults. The cheese is worth about 200 million dollars. Apparently the bank takes the cheese as collateral for money loaned to the cheese makers. So, the bank collects interest from the cheese loans and the cheese makers get a nice safe place to age their cheese.

I wonder if France does the same thing with their wines?

One summer when I was working at Calvin College, Forest Hills called and asked if they could rent the colleges’ portable volley ball equipment. It seems that they were have a volley ball tournament that weekend and needed some more nets.

Since Forest Hills was a local school district, the college felt that they needed to let them rent the equipment. So, they agreed to the deal. They also agreed to drop off the equipment on Thursday and pick it up again on Monday.

Now, if the college had taken a closer look at the check, they would have noticed that it was Forest Hills Camp Ground and not the Forest Hills School District. Forest Hill Camp Ground is a “clothing optional” resort. The college did however discover their mistake when they delivered the equipment.

As a side issue, the college had a hard time finding people to deliver the equipment on Thursday, but come Monday, there were many volunteers to pick it up.

The other day, I ran out of my stick deodorant. So, I went to the cupboard to grab a new one. When I applied it, I discovered that I had purchased the wrong product. Instead of the scent being “summer breeze” it turned out to be “tropical paradise”. Yuck! I now smell like a Pina Colada!

Since my wife happens to like pina coladas, she took it instead.