I was listening to the radio this morning and noted a couple of ads that were in conflict with each other. The first was from the Michigan Department of Community Health. It warned of the dangers of gambling. The second ad was from the Lottery Commission. It was encouraging the public to buy lottery tickets. This struck me as a conflict in interest so I had to wonder.

Maybe the state considers the lottery to be OK since it is the state that is receiving the money. Maybe the state considers the lottery to be a fun way to raise money. With the lottery you have a chance to winning. Not so with taxes.

Perhaps the state doesn’t consider the lottery to be gambling. After all, every gas station and convenience store sells lottery tickets where as real gambling is only found at licensed casinos. And I guess, while not impossible, it would be very hard to blow your life savings on $1.00 lottery tickets unless of course your life saving consists on only $1.00. But I think this is more to the point. The people who play the lottery the most are the ones who can least afford to loose the money.

Occasionally, I grab breakfast from the cafeteria and eat it in my office while doing email. And a long with my breakfast, I enjoy a nice container of skim milk. And over the years I have noticed a trend. On certain days, there is no milk. No milk in the cafeteria, no milk in the snack bars, no milk any where on the campus. Simple, no milk.

I am not sure what the problem is. It appears that the milk man only stocks the shelves once every two weeks. Is there not enough room on the shelves for extra milk? Is there a conspiracy with the soft drink vendors to limit the choices of healthy beverages? Is this a case of poor management on the part of the food vendors?

Maybe they are concerned that if they stock too much milk, they will have to throw out whatever doesn’t sell. But I doubt that they have ever had to throw out much milk because they consistently run out of milk, every two weeks, you can count on it. And it is not just one day that they are out of milk; they are out of milk for about 3 days before they get restocked. What a way to run a business.

So, for 3 days, if I want milk with my breakfast, I have to bring it from home which can be a real pain. If not, I have to resign my self to drinking water. Bah!

I saw a Roush Mustang today in Lowell. This surprised me. For those of you who are not familiar with Roush, they turn regular Fords into high performance Fords. In the case of the Roush Mustang, they take a standard Mustang and add $15,000.00 worth of performance parts to it.

Now, Lowell is pretty much a pickup truck town. While Mustangs are not unusual, they are not that common. But a Roush Mustang is a rarity, even for Grand Rapids. What is of more interest is the money associated with a Roush Mustang.

Roush Mustangs are not stock, they are custom. This means that there is no Blue Book price, which means that financial institutions will only finance the price of the stock Mustang not the Rousch Mustang. So, the owner financed the Roush package on their own. Likewise, if they decide to sell the car, the financial institution will only cover the price of a stock Mustang.  Who ever buys the car will have to finance the performance package on their own.

And the same goes for insurance. Most insurance companies will only insure the car for the price of the stock Mustang and not the Roush upgrade unless there is a provision for a special rider. But then again, if someone can afford the price of the Roush upgrade, money is probably no object.

Come to think of it, this was sitting outside of Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) so it may have been someone from Corporate.

I was in Meijer’s ( regional grocery chain) today. I need some whole chicken breast for Chicken Marsalas, one of our favorites. I prefer whole chicken breast because they are half the price of boneless, skinless. With a good sharp boning knife it only takes me about 30 seconds to bone out a chicken breast

When I got to the meat case, whole chicken breast were on sale for $1.00 per pound. This is 60% off the regular price. “Yes!!” I assume that they were looking to move chicken breast due to high inventory. Maybe they expected to sell more over the holidays but didn’t. I doubt that the bottom is dropping out of the chicken market. Doesn’t matter, at that price, I’ll buy a bunch and put them in the freezer.

I didn’t want to be greedy so I only bought 27 lbs even though I could easily have purchased 40 lbs. The breast are packaged 4lbs per container which is a convenient size for most recipes. When I got home, I threw 6 packages in the freezer and kept out one for supper. Between Chicken Marsalas and Kung Pao chicken, we should have about a 6 month supply.

I know, “get a life!”

I was in Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) the other day looking to buy some Paul Mitchell hair conditioner. While Meijer’s usually carries this product, they happened to be out of stock. I find this to be very annoying and is one of the reasons that I have a love/hate relationship with Meijer’s.

As I was leaving the store, I noticed that the hair salon in the store had a big rack of Paul Mitchell products, including my conditioner. Since the hair salon is an independent business that rents space from Meijer’s, their product inventory is also independent. They had the product, Meijer’s didn’t. So, I went into the salon.

I picked up the conditioner and in doing so, commented to the woman that it was nice that they at least had the product since the store didn’t. She said that Paul Mitchell products are only sold in salons. If I see it any place else, including the store, it is a black market product.

Fred, (Meijer) say it ain’t so! Black market hair care products! Hendrick (Meijer) is turning over in his grave. What next? Is that asparagus really from Peru or is it Fremont (Michigan) asparagus with a bogus label? And how about that peanut butter that Hendrick picked up in Saginaw because he got such a good deal? (Famous Meijer’s ad.) What’s the real story behind that? Was it smuggled in from Canada?

Well, anyway, the store and the salon sell the products for the same price so I guess I don’t really care where I buy it. But, I am concerned that the next time I am in the personal care section of the store that some one is going to come up behind me and say “Pssst. I’ve got some deodorant in the back room and I can get you a really good deal on it.”

Added note: Despite what it may appear, this blog is not dedicated to Meijer’s. It is just that Meijer’s provides a wealth of opportunity for topics.

The other day, I was in Meijer’s (regional grocery chain) buying some miscellaneous items for supper. Since I only had a couple of items, I decided to use the self checkout machine.

I have found that I prefer the self checkout machines because they are fast and allow me to bag my items the way I want them bagged and not the way that the clerk wants them bagged. The other thing that I like about the self checkout machines is that it is a great way to get rid of loose change.

Loose change is one of my pet peeves. When I use the regular checkouts, I always pay with paper money because it is so much faster than fumbling through my pockets searching for that rogue penny. Thus, by the end of the week I have amassed a small fortune in pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.

Saturday is shopping day for me at Meijer’s. This is the day when I restock the refrigerator with produce, the freezer with staples such as orange juice and ice cream and the pantry with other essentials such as tp. But even though I try to make only one trip to Meijer’s on a Saturday, someone will always remember an item or two that didn’t make the list on time. The forgotten items get noted and purchased on the 5PM trip to Meijer.

It is on the 5PM run to Meijer’s that I gather up all the pennies, nickels and dimes and put them in my pocket. (The quarters I keep separate as they are really the only useful coin any more.) When I make my purchases on my final Saturday trip to Meijer’s, I haul out a fist full of change and start plugging it into the self checkout machine. On some days, I might have almost $5 worth of change. But, it was on this 5PM trip that I got robbed

Since I only had to purchase a few items, my total at the self checkout machine was $5.32. Great. I knew I had some loose change in my pocket so I hauled it out. There it was, 32 cents! Two nickels, two dime and two pennies! 32 cents. Even money. Empty pocket! Oh happy day! (I don’t get out much.)

I put in the pennies, now it is only 30 cents. I put in the two nickels, now it is only 20 cents. I put in the first dime, now it is 10 cents. I put in the second dime, now it is 10 cents. What? 10 cents? No, it should be 0 cents! That last dime didn’t register! How can that be? I pushed the coin return. Nothing! I tapped the machine lightly with my fist! Nothing. The bloody machine took my dime! I’ve been robbed.

Finally, I took a 5 and a 1 from my wallet, stuck it in the machine, and received 90 cents worth of change. I gathered my change from the dispenser, put it in my pocket and left the store, a defeated man.

A few months back, I was making a chicken pot pie which is one of my favorite dishes. Having assembled all of the ingredients into the baking dish and about to put on the pastry crust, I realized that I had forgotten to add the cognac to the sauce. So, without giving it a second thought, I added the cognac to the dish, spreading it evenly over the contents. Then, I put on the pastry crust and stuck the whole thing into the oven.

A short while later, the alcohol in the cognac began to evaporate and collect in the oven. And, at some point in time, the alcohol vapors reached their flash point. Suddenly, there was a muffled “whump”. The oven door flew open, a big ball of blue flames belched forth from within and the door went shut again. It was pretty spectacular. The cats were not impressed.

Poor kitties. Eyes the size of saucers. Fleeing for their lives. That unforgiving linoleum. Their back end moving faster than their front end. That ultimate point in time when the back end attempts to pass the front end and ends up with a jackknifed kitty spinning out of control on the slippery floor.

Then the oven erupted a second time, thought not as big as the first. The kitties are now rolling in an effort to get out of the kitchen, to reach the safety of the carpet where they can dig their claws in and make their escape.

But a third volley occurs before they could retreat from the kitchen. Now, they are tumbling over each other desperately trying to flee. Finally to the carpet. Finally to safety. Fortunately, they maintained sphincter control.

A kitchen is a dangerous place to be for a kitty. First there is the ice dispenser, which sends an errant cascading cube their way. Then the freezer, which occasionally dislodges a pound of hamburg at them. Now they have a new fear; the fire breathing oven. There is a reason why the cognac is added to the sauce and cooked before baking.

I was in the checkout lane at Meijer’s (regional grocey chain) today and something really caught my attention. There on the front cover of one of the tabloids was written in bold letters “Big Foot diet”. At 800 pounds, Big Foot decided to go on a diet. Apparently the diet was successful as he lost almost 150 pounds. They even had pictures of him before and after, like they do with Oprah. I also noted that Big Foot was wearing a loin cloth. I guess he needed the loin cloth so that the tabloid could maintain its “family friendly” status. (I noted that the Martians and Werewolves are also appropriately covered.)

Imagine that, Big Foot going on a diet. I would think that he would want to hang on to all of that fat for the winter. After all, food is kind of scarce this time of the year. He may be able to find some roots and nuts but it would be nothing like what he could find in the summer and fall. But then again, maybe his weight loss wasn’t out of choice. Maybe he can’t find enough food and is starving. Or maybe he has been sick. I did not pick up the tabloid to read about the diet, but lets assume that he did decide to shed a few pounds so he would be ready for the beach come summer.

The first question that one needs to ask is whether he is carnivore, herbivore, or omnivore. Lets opt for omnivore since that offers the most in diet options.

First of all, lets start with the meat choices. Water fowl is definitely off the list. Do you know how much fat is in goose? Tons. And all that fat translates into excess calories. Next on the list is racoon. Anyone who has ever eaten a racoon can testify that while the meat is very tasty it is also very greasy. Like wise with possum.

I think that possum would be a staple in Big Foots diet. After all, they are plentiful and easy enough to acquire. Since the poor devils can never seem to make it across the highway alive, Big Foot could probably find a fresh one on any stretch of highway on any given night.

The next meat off the list is bear. Beside the hazard of trying to kill one with out getting killed, they too are high in fat. Hence the term, bear grease.

Red meats of choice would be coyote, fox, deer, wild goat and wild boar. Turkey, quail, pheasant and morning dove would also be acceptable. Dove hunting is not legal in this state so there should be plenty of them. But probably his better choice of meat would be salmon. Low in fat, high in Omega 3, and it is available in most states. Salmon would be a fantastic choice of meats.

As to the vegetables, corn and most tubers are out of the question. Way too much starch. Think South Beach. A better choice would be fern leaves and most flowers. Fruit and nuts when in season, though nuts are pretty high in calories.

Personally, I think that the true secret to Big Foots weight loss is a diet of bugs. Bugs are very high in protein and low in fat. And, they are available year round though they may be harder to obtain in the winter months. Plus, the hard shelled ones also provide a good source of fiber. Meat and vegetables may be fine but I think the real secret to Big Foots weight loss are bugs, the other white meat. Oprah, eat your heart out.

I was saddened to learn of the passing of former president Jerry Ford. For us folks here in west Michigan, Jerry was more than just another politician, he was family; uncle Jerry. He was a kind and gentle man who really cared for his constituents and not the money of some rich lobbyist. The country may have lost an ex-president but west Michigan lost a legacy. He may not have been the countries greatest president but he was an honest man. He will be greatly missed.

Whenever a VIP comes to GR, traffic is a mess. While the airport is about 10 mile from downtown, on the south east side it is only about a half mile from the expressway. Since the security folks like to have two routes to the destination point, they usually pick the expressway and the East Beltline. And in doing so, they pretty much paralyze the east side of the city. No one can get in and no one can get out.

Every intersection and every entrance ramp is blocked with police cars so that the road is only open to the motorcade. And on the expressway itself, they have a rolling road block.

With a rolling road block, two cruisers get on to the expressway, side by side, about 10 miles out from the motorcade route. They then proceed to drive slowly with their flashers going. The traffic behind them is prevented from entering the motorcade route while the traffic ahead of them naturally leaves the motorcade route as they travel to their destinations. If all goes according to plan, the motorcade will have made their departure before the rolling road block gets anywhere near the motorcade route. Fortunately, we now have the South Beltline aka the Paul Henry, so when those road blocks go up, we can still get around.

When President Bush spoke at Calvin’s graduation, I happened to be in the area that day. I knew that it was close to motorcade time, so I headed for the expressway hoping to get out of town before I got stuck. The police cars were already sitting by the intersections waiting for instructions as I am frantically headed for the expressway. And as I am driving down the expressway, I saw Air Force One coming in for a landing. That was too close. Another time, the rolling road block began just as soon as I passed the cruisers sitting along side the expressway. Again, another close one.

This week, the main roads are already plugged with the after Christmas shoppers. Throw in a few motorcades with the president, former presidents and dignitaries and driving should be almost impossible for the next few days. Law enforcement is definitely going to have their hands full with traffic control this week.

At the beginning of November, I received a letter from my credit union informing me that they were not renewing my VISA card when it expires at the end of November. I was both shocked and dismayed. With a credit rating well into the 800s, I figured that I was a prime customer for a credit card. And even though I had a Discover card, I hated the interest rates on it.

With all of the hidden costs and up front fees, getting another VISA card from a different financial institution seemed like a real pain to me. But, fortunately, on the bottom of the letter, was an 800 number to call for questions. Figuring I had nothing to loose, I called the number.

After giving them my credit card number over the phone (which I hate doing) they looked up my account and announced that I was no longer a member of the credit union. This took me by surprise as I have been a member of the credit union for 25 years. They said that my membership was canceled 3 years ago because I no longer had an account there.

Ah, now I remember. They kept sending me those annoying letters stating that my account was inactive and to please close the account. Thinking that I was doing them a favor by closing my account with them, I withdrew the last of my money. That must have been what canceled my membership in the credit union.

So I asked what I needed to do to become a member again. They told me that I needed to open a savings account. Savings account?. Surely, I thought, they will require some outrageous minimum balance. But when I asked how much, they told me that I only needed 5 dollars. Well 5 dollars is a deal! 🙂

If I became a member, I asked, would they renew my credit card? They replied that I would have to get a new card number as they couldn’t renew my old card and that I would have to apply for a new card and have my balanced transferred. 🙁 Having worked for the state for as long as I have, I have a good sense of how bureaucracy works so I was not surprised at the answer. So, not wanting to be without a credit card during the holidays, I headed to the nearest branch office to open my 5 dollar savings account.

When I arrived at the credit union, I explained my situation go the account person. He confirmed what I had been told; 5 dollars to open an account and I would have to apply for a new credit card. I then filled out about 10 pages worth of paper work and gave the man 5 dollars. Ten minutes and 5 copies later, the man returned with a new document that I was required to sign. He then announced that I now had a no maintenance savings account with a balance of 5 dollars, a no maintenance checking account with a balance of 0 dollars and that I would be receiving an ATM card just in case I wanted to withdraw my 5 dollars. Fine, now lets get to the credit card.

The credit card was fairly straight forward. The account person explained the various plans and then told me to choose one. There was the food back plan, which allowed you to buy a certain amount of free food. The more you charged, the more free food you could receive. There was the gas back plan, which was similar to the food plan. Then there was the Prime plan, which sets your interest rate at or a certain percentage above the Prime rate. The percentage you paid was determine by your credit rating. Since my credit rating was excellent, I chose the Prime plan.

The account person told me it would be about an hour or so for my credit card app. to be approved. He asked if I wanted to wait around. If not, he would call me when I got approved. Since I had things to do, I gave him my cell phone number and left. Two hours later he called and asked me to stop back around for the final sign off.

When I stopped in again, the account person gave me a folder for all of my papers, a magnet for the fridg and a coupon card for discounts at various businesses and told me my card should arrive in 3 to 4 weeks. I was hoping for a faster turn around time on the cards but such is life.

Three weeks later to the day, my cards arrived. As I am pulling out my old card to replace it with the new, something caught my eye. The numbers on the new card were the same as the numbers on the old card. Yes! 🙂 Apparently someone higher up in credit card chain noticed that I was not a new customer and reissued my card. Only this time, my interest rate is very low.